On Defeat

They will tell you many things. The usuals. “It’s all right! There’s always next time…” “It’s not your fault! The opponent was just too good…”, “Failure is the first step to success.”…

Your friends/family probably meant well. No, they did. They did mean well. But none of those wearied statements will ever patch the emptiness in your heart after defeat. It never has. It never will. You know it, I know it.

Remember, you were once them. You too, came to support your bestie as his big game. You too, were there on your sister’s result day. You too, offered your words of comfort. And you too…you knew it wouldn’t help. How could it? You feel helpless.

Nothing they say to you will help. Heck, nothing you say to yourself will help. You can tell yourself “The other guy was playing rough!” “I just spotted the wrong exam question, that’s all!” “Actually, I was already feeling pain in my knees before the game started…so I was destined to lose anyway…” “I can learn from this!”. But none of these wearied statements will ever patch the emptiness in your heart after defeat. It never has. It never will.

On occasion, reasons matter. There are two types. There are those which are justificatory — the legitimate. And there are those which are excusatory (think the schoolteacher’s proverbial response to ‘I was busy’: “That’s just an excuse!”)—the illegitimate.

Sometimes, it matters whether the attributed cause is justificatory or excusatory. Like in law.