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Some Ideas for Motivating Staff...and Working to Avoid the Dreaded De-Motivators
This is an article about a combination of my experiences supervising staff, utilizing a strength based approach, and some clinical examples of success stores in supervision and being supervised.
Let’s start with a little history: I began supervising staff soon after my 28th birthday, 11 months after giving birth to twin boys.
Fast forward 22 years, and I have supervised a generation (20 years) of primarily 20 somethings.
Here are some things I have learned along the way about myself, some strengths, and some areas for growth:
I really enjoy motivating others. I’m also ridiculously empathetic and in tune with others feelings. This is both a strength and an area for growth, because the empathy can go into overdrive and cloud the relationship when a staff is working to improve a skill.
1. When I got promoted from a peer of about 10 of us to someone who supervised two people, I quickly discovered that those two characteristics were both my biggest strengths and my biggest challenge makers.
2. Being a kinesthetic learner who learns by doing and is not risk averse, I made and continue to make some mistakes and to learn as I go. It’s the only way I know how to do things. (Insert Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown plug here, I encourage you to check it out if you haven’t. Seriously, life changing)
I quickly learned that as someone who has more confidence in prioritizing how to take care of myself and to monitor my stress levels, I react differently to stress than someone who puts less of a priority on getting their own needs met.
In my family of origin, we were brought up to take care of ourselves. Some quotes from my childhood:
“You’re the only one whose number one priority is to take care of you. Everyone else’s priority is to take care of them”
“No one cares about your needs as much as you do, so I suggest you get them met”
“You’re going to have to learn to like grocery shopping, laundry, and other everyday tasks. You have to do them anyway so you might as well learn to like them.”
Ok, so that ‘learn to like every task’ piece of advice did not take at all, but the first two are part of my childhood ‘script’ which I quickly remember in times of stress.
It’s where my self talk goes, and I have learned that not everyone shares that sense of self and script that allowed me to experience childhood in the way I did.
Supervisin’
As I mentioned above, I started supervising people when I was 28. I had 11 month old twins at home, and frankly, was pretty overwhelmed with my life.
One thing that has always been a strength of mine as an in-home mental health therapist/home based case worker (a person who works with families at risk for abuse and neglect), and an office based therapist, is my ability to succeed in my own role.
Establishing rapport comes fairly easily for me. I tend to be friendly and enjoy other people, so that helps.
I complete my paperwork pretty much on time, am generally able to get along with my co-workers, and I encourage others’ success.
I particularly get along well with peers and those who perceive themselves as having less experience or skills than me.
Having 2 small children at home who are twins made getting done for the day prior to their daycare closing for the day a priority. Being an overachiever, I had decided that getting them at least a half hour before they closed was actually my goal, which increased some of that anxiety and pressure to pick them up on time.
When I attended graduate school as a 22 year old, straight out of college graduate student, I took all of the Supervision Courses that were offered in my program at the University of Cincinnati.
I enjoy group dynamics, and am quick to share my opinion once I feel a little comfort in my role. I signed up for the group classes, the family therapy classes, and never quite worked in the school counseling double major that I intended to get.
I get excited about getting to supervise staff.
Supervision Style
I would say that my supervision style started in my formative years with my skills as a lifeguard.
As a lifeguard, I practiced my sitting skills, observed others without intervening when possible (sitting in the sun is much hotter with a coat of chlorine on you), and I learned and practiced what constituted an emergency.
I can remember with quite a bit of clarity the 3–4 times I truly felt concern for a child’s safety and jumped into the water to save them. Lifeguards are taught to recognize and avoid panic, both in ourselves and in the people we are working to save. The fact that a drowning person will take you down with them was drilled into our instruction from the very start.
That start for me, after babysitting some of my parents friends’ children beginning at 12, was at 15 years old.
I have a memory of sitting in the baby pool and picking up a sputtering baby; stepping down at the main pool from my chair without using the ladder with my long legs and pulling a child to the side. I also clearly remember the very chilly day I had to get all of the way into the water because the child was too far to reach from the side of the pool.
Incidentally, during each of these occurences the parents were there, attempting to watch their children, and just were less in tune to watching for a sputtering, beginning to panic child who was not able to ‘touch bottom’. This was before cell phones, so it was before people sat around looking at their laps, but the parents were distracted nonetheless.
I practiced my super-power of observing others in my formative years at length. I’m a people watcher. Put me in an airport and that book usually sits on my lap as I listen to parents interact with each other, their children, etc.
The process of learning to lead takes more than being able to do the job effectively ourselves.
The Supervisory Relationship
When I think back to my successful supervisory relationships, I like to think of connections that I have made which have been the most successful among co-workers whom I supervised.
I also think about those who have been successful in supervising and parenting me.
It’s also important to think about those supervisory relationships that did not work out. If someone is not a fit for the role, and they are getting a lot of correction from their supervisor, that causes stress in that relationship. I have to remember when interviewing people that the fact that I like a person does not make them a good fit for the role in and of itself. I have had a few employees that were not a fit with me go on to have a lot of success in other fields, and I have also gotten better at recognizing that it really helps to have a second set of eyes on an interviewee early in the process. I’m a processor, so being able to talk about things that occurred in the interview helps me in discerning between candidates.
The fact that I tend to listen with my ears, my energy, to body language, and to pace of speech can make it hard for someone to get a story out, as I sometimes interrupt as they are telling me a story about something that they are concerned about. If a person has perceived a situation as an emergency, I want to make sure I understand fully what they are telling me.
‘Listen to your gut’ was something I learned on Oprah during an afternoon home with my 1 year olds.
I can remember that I stopped folding laundry as she talked with an expert on perceiving danger. He encouraged everyone listening to the show to teach their children to listen to that gut feeling we have when we interact with people.
If a child fears the person and they are scared, help the child learn to listen to that feeling in their stomach and to tell a trusted adult.
My role, as a supervisor and a therapist, is to be that trusted adult.
My role, as a parent, supervisor, and person of integrity, is to establish trusting relationships where a staff or client can tell me:
I think I messed up.
I am afraid I am missing something.
I left their house, and I cannot stop thinking about them.
I couldn’t sleep last night because I was concerned, but wanted to tell you to get your thoughts about it.
Let me borrow your brain is a phrase spoken around me, by me, and to me. Let’s put two heads, or three, or four, to talk this through to figure out:
Is this a ‘me’ issue?
Am I triggered with nervous feelings due to some issues I have going on like lack of sleep, hatred of clutter, boundary struggles, etc?
Does this guy give you the creeps and she seems afraid? She will only talk when he isn’t there or is sleeping and keeps staring at the door?
To this I might respond: ‘Get him on board. Get him to recognize the value of someone coming to your house to help out. This will help keep us in the home and hopefully reduce some of the stress we’re perceiving in the home.’
Being able to be vulnerable is part of the the trusting relationships we want to foster in our workers. That is also part of the trusting relationships we want to foster between staff. Sometimes as leaders we can instill a sense of mistrust between our staff, if they perceive that sharing a concern may be perceived as ‘telling on someone’. I encourage all staff to verbalize concerns they have for their peers as a way to make our program stronger. The more I know, the more I can help encourage strong traits in a staff. If a staff isn’t a fit, they may perceive that and actively try to hide some of their weaker areas in their role. If I know about the areas with room for growth, I can address them more easily to work to see if we can make the role a fit. It also helps when a staff needs to pursue other employment because they aren’t a fit. My findings have been the most people are aware when their role isn’t a fit, so talking about how to make it better helps all of us work better together.
One day, one of my strong staff came to me and told me about some things being said about her peer’s client that appeared to be a real health concern.
As a supervisor, I want to know all of that.
I want to say ‘good job, here’s what you did right’.
I want to say,’ I can see what made you do those things, let’s talk about next time’.
I want to say, ‘we need to call this in. Right now. This is a safety risk and I’m really glad you called me even though I was in the middle of something else’.
I also want to say, ‘here’s what made this a good decision’ and ‘here’s what made this something you will want to do differently next time, or if the situation comes up again’
In 20 years, sometimes I have had to say ‘if all of these things are true about your work performance, you can no longer work here’.
It hurts my heart, but not every job is right for every person.
My wish for staff to succeed has been at a level where one staff who was not able to continue to work under me called me a few days later and apologize for putting me in a position where I had to terminate her emplyment.
Clearly, that isn’t that norm, but that to me is a sign that the trusting relaitonship we had, even through some particularly poor performance and unacceptable work actions, prevailed.
I’m a listener. I’m a squinter when I’m thinking, and now that my focusing skills are affecting my eyes, I squin when I can’t see.
Now let’s get into some stories..
Example 1
I think about one of my many favorite staff, who was initially interviewing for a part-time job in addition to her current full time job, but had read on our website while she was waiting for her interview to start about a full-time opportunity. This opportunity had occured that day, after an employee had resigned and also after we had had scheduled the interview. She has Flexibility
She rapidly changed her plan and decided to go for the posted job and discussed that with me. She is a go-getter, and is a great fit for me as a leader. She looks for opportunities, and my role, as her direct supervisor, was to direct that energy into ways that benefited her and the program she had been hired to run.
As a 22-year-old, fresh out of college professional, she then and now is a driven-to-succeed woman. She likes to have success.
Example 2
This staff has aspirations to continue to improve the quality of her work. She has confidence in her social skills, and an interest in both her own growth and becoming a therapist.
My role with her has been to support her questioning the quality of both her own work and the practices the agency I worked for at the time had, and I have been able to watch her grow as a mother, a future therapist, and a budding leader.
Also, I really like her, which can be hard when you are also supervising someone who is not quite as good of a fit professionally.
We don’t like all people at the same level. Some people we like more than others, because we’re people and not machines. She has confidence and really good success with rapport.
Examples 3 and 4
Not too long ago, I had a really high energy staff who not only established rapport with clients really easily, but also had an urge to grow and move up in her role.
She has leadership potential and great people skills. Actually, I had two people with those qualities at the same time, one with high energy and one whose energy is naturally much lower, and calming.
My role with both of them has been to encourage them to use those people skills and to sometimes temper their ambition with some of the ‘softer‘ skills that go along with being a professional.
I have the advantage of living several years, and they have the advantage of having lots of energy and being young.
I have a great relationship with each of them that allows them to recognize their strengths and I am able to be supportive when it has been time for them to move to higher paying positions with more income potential, and that is what they did.
Before each did that, they said some nice things about me in a card they gave me because we get along so well. I love a kindly worded card, and I still have both of those, as well as many other thank you notes I have received along the years. They go in a drawer and get shifted around, but they always make the cut. As I am re-editing this in 2020, I have now moved to Texas and still have those cards in a different drawer. If you have read this article before, I’m hoping that the changes I’m making include having many fewer typos :)
Again, sometimes similarities are an advantage. In leadership, they can also be a complication. We can’t show favoritism even when we have favorite people in different roles.
Examples Summary
We all like success.
Above, I have included a successful photo experience with my sons. What isn’t pictured is the encouragement it took to get a good picture of very strong willed 8 year olds by a mom who documented EVERYTHING.
If I don’t take a picture of it, it didn’t happen are words I have used to get the little guys I began supervising in 1997 to cooperate. Sometimes it works better than others, so I keep at it. Stubborness is a quality I value both in myself and my kids. It has its drawbacks.
Trusting relationships are not born, they are reinforced, time and time again in times of stress, success, and through resignation.
What I want from each of my staff is the best they can give me at that time.
Learning from My Leaders and Peers
Example 1
Two other relationships that have really helped me grow as a leader are people whom I did not lead.
The Executive Director, when I was working for a small agency named Promising Futures, believed in me and encouraged my learning in ways for which I had not realized I was ready.
We worked hand in hand to help a struggling, 40 year old not-for-profit agency with really good intentions make it through the recession, and the support I received in that leadership relationship will always affect how I lead in the future.
We work well together and have several different strengths. My strengths are different from hers, and we respect the need for both.
Example 2
At that same agency, I worked with a peer who was in charge of Development.
Development, in the not for profit world, means bringing in donors and fundraising, and helping the agency receive funds from people who have them.
She had a fairly long history of working with the agency compared to me, and was really good at things I had absolutely no experience with at all.
In fact, the skills she is best at are those which I had relatively no experience with at all at the time, and not much confidence in my skills about. She taught me, through our many lunches, an amazing amount about marketing, donors, and fundraising.
At the time we worked together, I was also pretty confident I was good at other things. The calls me a ‘Program person’, which I embrace and appreciate.
The confidence we have in our own skills can be very important in supporting people who have different skills than we each have ourselves.
Her marketing skills, her willingness to organize a massive fundraiser while making the planning fun for her committee, and her willingness to convey what she was doing as she did it helped me develop skills I would not have been exposed to in other settings.
Summary of Being Led Examples
The three of us are very different in terms of our skills, and have complete faith in each other, both in our abilities to do well, and in those abilities that are harder for each of us.
As in most relationships, I did not realize the value of what I had until our agency was absorbed into a much bigger one after not being granted a large federal grant. I remained with the agency, and the two of them did not. The bureaucracy at an agency that employees well over 300 people, with multiples layers of leadership, is very different than my experiences of being(one of) the number 2 people, or person directly under the person who was in charge, both at Promising Futures and when I worked for 14 years at an organization called Preservation Partners.
Leading with Strengths
In 2012, I went to a training that was very meaningful to me.
It was led by Elizabeth (Beth) Skidmore, who is a trainer in the field in which I work, and one of my favorite thinkers to whom I have been exposed. She discusses that there are 2 types of leaders.
- There are those who were inspired to lead, and learned the role of what they are leading to be able to lead effectively
- There are those who have had success at their own role and become leaders due to their success in their own roles.
I identify with the second group.
Learning to lead others, as opposed to being driven to obtain schooling and employment to lead well, has been an on-going process for me.
I have had to learn to be intentional about it, or in other words do it on purpose.
One of the first lessons I learned was learning to delegate clearly and effectively.
Learning to support others and focus on strengths is just part of my DNA. I’m going to focus on someone’s strengths just because that’s what I do, but clearly stating weaknesses is much more difficult for me. If you’d like to learn more about Beth Skidmore here’s a link to her profile at linked in: http://linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-skidmore-06a4537 Relevant info: we’re all different
Some Fun Facts:
My parents are both musicians who have made their living both in music education and in getting paid for performing and directing music.
They are in their 70’s, and continue to be creative in finding people who want to pay them.
This is a good thing, because they only know how to be creative.
Specifically, that’s my dad. He and I share a love of listening to a directive, working to identify the pertinent parts about following rules, and then create and operate within our boundaries.
My mom refers to herself as a right brained musician. She is linear (as opposed to circular, or random) and loves to balance a checkbook.
I did not get that feature, fyi. I call people with that start to finish tendency ‘very left to right’.
What they both really like to do is perform and help others perform well, so they figured out a way to make money doing that.
Everyone is “playing a role” when you are a musician/expert musical performer, so that’s how I was raised.
I can’t help some of the ways I am, but that one was affected by nurture. ‘What role is she paying?’ got asked a lot in my house as we talked around the dinner table.
In Conclusion
We all have natural tendencies as to what we do well, what we like to do, and what motivates us.
I have a tendency to see the best in people, so I have to work to see their areas for growth, or what some people call weaknesses.
Being specific and intentional about working to improve on areas that do not come naturally is harder for me than it is for some others.
Some are blessed with an ability to spot what is wrong, to think critically, and to immediately start problem solving for ‘worst case scenario’. This is both a wiring issue and a nurturing issue.
I encourage all who are reading this to think about how they are intentional with their praise and goal setting, both in their self talk and in talking with those around you.
Think about what your goal is as you convey a criticism, compliment, lack of comment, and fun banter.
For those of you whose whose super-power is spotting weaknesses rather strengths, how are you intentional about re-framing those comments that leap to your mind to be heard as future-oriented opportunities for growth?
How can you readers who see the sunshine through the clouds be intentional about communicating clearly your expectations, including timelines.
These expectations are for those who you are managed by, those who you manage (even the short, growing variety) and even as we manage ourselves.
How we talk to ourselves can be a pretty good indicator about how others hear us.
Knowing what motivates us, being able to say that clearly and effectively and continuing to look for opportunities to grow and learn helps all of us, regardless of employment status, parental status, or age.
People tend to do better when they are told they are doing well, unless they do better when they are told how they need to improve.
I guess we’re all just different. Who knew?? thanks for reading :)
We live a long time, let’s make the most of it.