Tomasz Drybala
Nov 3 · 5 min read

Why Friends Holds You Back When You Want To Achieve Something Big In Your Life

Personal growth is a long ongoing journey which is allowing us to understand our old ‘I’ and develop our new fullest potential. Deconstructing your life is a very challenging process that requires looking deep into your life. You must find out what matters to you and when you behave how you behave just because you learned it from your parents, grandfathers, friends, or society. What kind of work you have now and why you do this; how you spend your free time and if you feel good about it; what you talk about and with who.

I made changes in my life several times, but I never deconstructed my values, and I lived life the same way since I was a child. My old imagination of success by owning things didn’t satisfy me. When it happens that I lost what I was building, I find myself without any joy after so many years of fighting for my success to come.

I’m not the same person I was this time four years ago, and I am not the same as I was a year ago. I’m pleased now because I’m living the life I always wanted. I didn’t achieved yet what I’m aiming for, but I learned how to enjoy the process. I’m not waiting for the final effect, and now I’m in a much better place mentally and spiritually. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same about who I become. Each time I made a change in my life, I learned that every person reacts to this differently. Some friendships get stronger, some I don’t want to continue, and I’m discreetly moving on. Some people I never see again, and some people are getting upset, jealous, or they don’t want to see me anymore. For the first time, I faced toxic behaviors, friendships which became emotionally abusive and manipulative with a strong resistance to my growth. Changing the way they’re acting when they see I’m trying to pull away, only to slip right back into the old routine once I closed the distance between us.

I shared many times my ideas and visions of what I want to do and where I want to go. I invited many friends on several occasions to go through this journey with me. I didn’t want to lose them, I wanted to grow together, but some people never change, they get comfortable, and they stop learning. Some people don’t like difference, but if they don’t want to move forward, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it.

I can count on one hand how many friends have accepted and supported my life transformation. It changes me a lot, I’m entirely different human right now, and that was the whole point of doing it. I have learned things which I didn’t know about myself. Stuff about my routines, behaviors, habits, weaknesses, and strong points. Things that drastically changed my view on my life and my values. I don’t talk the same way anymore, and I’m not interested in the same subjects for conversation.

I get lots of criticism and negative feedback on almost everything what I was doing to change my life. My friends attacked me with bad words, jokes, mockery, anger, and blaming me that I want to take away from them, something that they deserve, own, or want to have. People will always search between your words and actions to find what they want to see, to fit your steps to the way of how they perceive you, to their image of you.

Sometimes friends hold you back when you want to achieve something big in your life, sometimes they do this for a reason because they are jealous of the person you become, and when people can’t manipulate you anymore, they try to make other people believe in their imagination of you. It doesn’t matter how long you been friends with someone, and it doesn’t matter how this friendship had made you feel five, ten, or twenty years ago; what matters is how you think about it today. Sometimes people which you met week or month ago have better intentions than someone you met and been close for ten or even 30 years.

But also, some friends are not aware of how they affect you with their behaviors, have no bad intentions, they like the old you, and don’t want you to change; they want you to stay with them the same as you were for so many years.

At one point, I understood that I had changed more than the people around me, and I have to move on. I realized I couldn’t take personally what they talk and how they behave as it’s not me who they criticize, but it’s their insecurities. In most cases, I reminded them what they wanted to achieve in their lives, but their fears didn’t allow them to do it, and they avoided growth in their own life. We hear it many times; we read it in motivational quotes and books, but when it comes to real life and feelings is hard to accept it and move on. I tried to explain on several occasions what I’m doing and why, but some people don’t understand the journey I’m on. They don’t understand my views, intentions, and opinions evolves every day. What I said yesterday might have nothing to do how I see the world today. How I was trying to lift my life month ago have been completed, or it didn’t work, so I moved on and started doing it a different way. I realized that words couldn’t explain it if they are not open-minded and if they don’t try to do it themselves.

At one point, it felt like my entire social circle turned on me, and I met a lot of resistance along the way, and numerous of my friends started to drag me down. I lost many friends who didn’t want to support the new me anymore, but I built new stronger relationships, although I might have fewer friends, they are more dependable friends to me. I have met lots of people who brought new values, smiles, and possibilities to my life and who are accepting of me the way how I am now — much happier and more fulfilled.

Tomasz Drybala

Written by

My name is Tomasz Drybala and I’m the ultra endurance athlete and adventurer, writer and speaker sharing inspiring journey and helping people to perform.

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