Forgive Them, Father

12/15/16

Words are hard to come by these days.

The sit and mock me with their delays

Confusion is confounding us all

Screaming the warnings before the fall

Feigning ignorance

Pleading for common sense

Burning incense and bridges

As I stand up for what I believe in

As I stand against treason

As I hug my babies tight

And kiss them goodnight

I imagine their future.

And I’m scared.

I’m scared they won’t have clean water in 20 years.

I’m scared they’ll be fighting wars started in the next 4.

I’m scared they will forever be judged by what their predecessors did.

What I did.

What we did.

Let me say it how it is.

What white people did.

In the year 2016.

I flash forward 20 years and see a new scene.

I’m see my son

His blonde hair, his loving arms, his big blue eyes

I see him in uniform, the stars and stripes emblazoned

Across his chest

His loving arms and smiling face

Holding an AK

Fighting his way through this life

Praying he stays out of Heaven

Not.

Yet.

I see his sister

My beautiful 6 year old, brilliant mind, jokes in her heart

I see her

Settling.

Settling for less.

Less opportunity

Less pay

Less life

Because, she’s a girl

And will be told over and over again that her worth

Lies somewhere between who her husband is and how nicely she smiles

By.

Our.

President.

And through osmosis and cable news

He is shaping the minds of the boys around her.

I see her future as a scientist

As a doctor

As a biologist

As the brave, bold, brilliant girl she was created to be

Being wasted underneath the weight of sexism

Her strong voice being drowned out by the deeper baritone of the men who want her quiet.

Who want her docile.

Who want her.

And, you know what?

You’re God Damned right I’m angry.

I’m angry about what you’ve done.

I’m angry that of all the options, this seemed to be the best one?

I’m angry that you didn’t understand how dangerous racism is in this country.

Even if you don’t feel ‘that way’

Many do and you just busted off the lid and let the snakes out of the can.

I’m angry that you chose to seek out only fringe, bullshit media sites to confirm your already held opinion instead of seeking to understand facts.

I’m angry that facts are now opinions.

And yet….

I’m trying to love you anyway.

I’m trying to believe you didn’t mean to do this.

I’m trying to understand that maybe many believed a different narrative

And didn’t think this would happen.

I’m trying to believe that the narrative I believe is wrong

Is over dramatized

Is my own echo chamber

And not as scary as it looks to me

I’m trying to have patience and forgiveness and I keep repeating

“Forgive them Father, They know not what they do.”

I hope it’s true.

My babies with the baby blues.

They hope so too.

Before they have to pick up an AK.

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