A joint statement from Rick Parry, Joel Glazer and John W. Henry: Abandon all hope ye who enter here. Leave your hope at the gate. You’ll no longer feed the machine. See how it splutters and coughs out smoke, and shits acidic oil that stains the ground beneath? …

Leeds United 4–0 Charlton Athletic ‘A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.’ — Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow The first piece in this series proposed to examine the feelings associated with following Leeds United: the goal celebrations, the madness…

Derby County 1–3 Leeds United Remember when football was meaningless? Remember lazy afternoons, a bit of football to pass the time — maybe a win, maybe a draw. Maybe a loss but that’d be fine, for Leeds United to lose. Remember that? A coping mechanism. Nothing to aim for? …

Leeds United 1–0 Barnsley/Huddersfield Town 2–1 West Bromwich Albion In old cartoons, when things got hairy, a pair of spiked walls would slowly, very slowly, work their way towards your knights, or spacemen or explorers. A cinematic device: you’d never see the explosion of gore. This long, long season has…

Swansea City 0–1 Leed United 35 years, three months, one day on Earth: Valencia, Getafe, Valencia, Swansea, the Middle East, Leeds. Back in Swansea again. Your old stomping ground, the Liberty Stadium. Part of Leeds United now, an entire city holding its breath as you face the formation of swans. …

Leeds United 5–0 Stoke City You hated Thursday morning; you hated Thursday afternoon. You couldn’t face lunch, and your colleagues were heard muttering under their breath about what a morngy bastard you are. Yes, you! You know you’re obsessed. Because you, dear reader, spent the whole day calculating permutations, and…

Blackburn Rovers 1–3 Leeds United We have exited lockdown, right? All the pubs are open, and everyone seems to be gadding about. The populace is excited: attacking from the right, hitting the post, causing scares etc. …

Leeds United 1–1 Luton Town Hello, and welcome to Luton International Airport. I’ll be your host, Nathan Jones. Thank you so much for selecting the Luxury Package. Here you’ll have fifteen minutes to do just what you like, before we get to work. Don’t waste it, now! Hungry? We have…

Leeds United 3–0 Fulham The bell tolls. 6am. Rats running round the cell you’ve festered in all week. Mould in the corners. Eyes in the grates. Paranoia, loathing; above all: fear. Fear sharpens the mind. It prepares the body. …