Friday Fanaticism

or Fuck It

If I sing for salvation, that makes you the God. I’ll make you a Greek one, all flawed and beautiful. It’d make sense. Like with the other Greek Gods, when biographers gather my writings (sure, kid) they will be able to guess some of what my devotion meant and how it manifested but they’ll have to add a thousand footnotes about how it was so much more than that.

As all deities, you embody the qualities I want to see in myself. I believe wholeheartedly in your power to make things happen and I often pray you will. You seldom answer — that classic greek god temper of yours is to blame — but when you do it feels miraculous and my faith is always restored.

***

I don’t even want children with your chayote eyes anymore. The world is ending anyway, any child born in the next 10 or 20 years will suffer way more than we did. Plus, who wants to bring a half-divine child into this world so that they’ll feel like aliens? Remember Hercules? Even the Disney one felt weird and alone. Anyway, I’m past the point where I wanted anything from the gods. If anything I’d ask you to magically make my faith go away. Useless, I’ll feel this way whether we both like it or not. I don’t even try to hide it anymore.

As if I ever could.

I used to want you to feel it too. By now I’m aware you really couldn’t, this is a very rare sort of feeling. Not everybody is cursed with it. All I take care in doing is not making you too uncomfortable with the empathetic human need to reciprocate random unsolicited hugs. I’ll refrain from offering those. I know most greek gods are no good with empathy.

***

I wish I’ll have managed to actually write something that speaks of this quality of love by the time I die. People will cry over the kind of love that flows through me. It is the saddest most beautiful thing. One of those classical Garcia Marques loves where the hero doesn’t mind waiting around to make life easier and beautiful again for the one they love even if their presence will only do that when they are both old and lonely.

Of course the hero will actually have a life in the meantime and even get to care for some people but such unending feelings are really novel worthy.

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