On luck

In Brazilian Portuguese there’s an expression that says if you’re having good luck in games or gambling you’ll have bad luck in love (“sorte no jogo, azar no amor”). It is used as mockery when people are playing. The loser can say they’ll marry and live happily ever after while the winner will die alone; or the winner, half laughing, half sorry, may say they’re only winning because life fucking sucks.

The game they were playing that night is called President. The point of it is for one to become the President by getting rid of all cards first. The second player to be without cards is the Vice-President. In-betweeners are called Citizens. The second to last is the Asshole. The loser is the Shitted Asshole.

(names translated from the Brazilian Portuguese version — see how we roll?)

The President of each round get’s to remain seated while the other’s rearrange so that the round follows their order of importance. Then the President get’s the Shitted Asshole’s best two cards, while giving them their own worst two. The Vice-President and the Asshole do the same, with one card instead of two. As a compensation for having lost their best cards, Shitted Assholes always play first (isn’t this a bad joke on welfare?), followed by the President.

That night, she won every single match. It was the kind of unbelievable luck that makes you laugh and apologize to the other players, as well as question fate itself. Six wildcards in one hand is waaay more than anyone needs for a clean victory.

Yet her apologies did nothing for them. In her seventh round as President, the others decided it was enough already.

- Hey, this is not fair. We’re drawing from scratch again.

- What? No. That’s a coup, you can’t do that.

- This is a democracy. Who here votes we draw again?

*3 out of 5 raise their hands*

- That is just fucking illegal. I won righteously.

- If you are to be the President, you’ll win the draw.

- Don’t you think that’s a bit theocratic?

- Vox populi vox Dei, yes. And the people have spoken.

*drumroll*

*she wins the draw*

- I KNEW IT! I’M THE FUCKING PHARAOH! NOW BOW BEFORE ME!

- This means you’re actually destined to sit beside Shitted Assholes your whole life, don’t brag too much.

- Well, at least I get to keep their best cards.

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