They’d been walking for the past hour. They used to walk aimlessly when they needed to sort something out.
She was obsessing and in pain. She needed him to do something about it because it was his actions she was obsessing about. His flirting, his kissing, his hooking up. Not that she didn’t do it too, their arrangement (or lack of one) did allow for it. It was his needing to share it, his way of talking about the other girls as if they were important that set her stomach ablaze and cut a river of tears up from her throat.
He now spoke of celestial bodies and the calculation of distances in space and gravity and tides and all sorts of physical yet abstract things as she listened absentmindedly.
She’d rather pretend the other girls didn’t exist, or at least that they were less important, even if only while they were together, and enjoy the time they had and actually pay attention when he talked about eclipses instead of wondering whether he had told this to one of the others the night before.
He did seem distant while talking, too, and that made it all worse. Something about the way his eyes moved, or didn’t, as if some other part of his mind was actively working on something else on the background. She wanted to see him present, that beautiful sparkle that he used to have in his eyes at all times. Lately, however, he only ever seemed present when discussing the thing which hurt her the most, the constellation of his relationships.
The artist in her laughed at the symbolism. She wanted to be a star to him, and she was. Only she couldn’t be his Sun, because he just functioned on a wider scale.
Physically, the only possible way to attract him more than the other stars was to become a black hole. And that was exactly what she was doing, without even realising it (nature repeats itself in every scale). When in that obsessive state of mind she could bring him in quite easily, her sadness had unstoppable gravity. But she couldn’t help sucking up and disintegrating his energy and his light as they floated together aimlessly.