I was supposed to write something like “25 things I learned in 25 years” but it sounds phony, coming from me. I’ve learned a lot but I’ve never really learned from them. So instead of enumerating stuff that you already know, let me just share with you why I feel a little pain in my chest today.
You know that, don’t you? Your breathing feels short and you look suspiciously teary-eyed.
I’m grateful, you see. And maybe a bit sad.
I act like a brat around my brother and I told him “No! I don’t wanna grow up!” in my whiniest voice when he greeted me a happy birthday last midnight. Who wants to grow up? I do. I wasn’t serious.
There’s a certain feeling of calm that dawns upon you when you already know what you want in life. And I don’t want to jinx it, but I feel like I already do. And f**k uncertainty — no one’s ever really sure about anything anyway.
I'm still far from perfect, and I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I don’t want perfection. But I’ve learned to accept this life with its crooks and cracks. I hated it before, I wanted to end it for God knows how many times. But I realise that the God I know wants a fighter. And I look forward to more battles, knowing that He would never leave my side.
And I can’t really forget the angels I have — my family and my friends. I love you all. And I honestly feel pressured right now because I don’t want to disappoint you and I want you all to be proud of me. But I also know that you were and would always be there in my darkest of times. (But seriously, let’s all just walk in the light.)
I’m writing this at the office right now and I’m sorry dear employer for devoting this time to writing this personal shit instead of working. I’ll meet my quota today I promise.
I will no longer be here in this same desk, in this same office in 5 years time. And I guess I’d write something about hitting the big 3–0 by then. But I love basking in this moment — in the now. Twenty five years! What a perfect day to be alive! The world is my oyster! My opportunities are limitless! If I ever succeed or not, I want to look back to this and tell myself that I was once so positive and honest. I might get lost again someday, but I’d never ever want to lose myself again.
I’ve published this and ended this with the line above but it doesn’t feel right. Maybe this post doesn’t deserve to have an end, only beginnings. (And if that ain’t cheesy…)
Also, part of growing up is owning up to your responsibilities and I’ve used up too much of my work time now.
Thank you for reading this, and wherever you are, know that I’m hugging you because it’s my birthday and I’m happy! Let’s all be happy! Hep hep hoorah!