My vagina does not make me a diversity candidate
Actually engaging in diverse thought does
I am pissed. There is some goddamn bullshit going on in our industry that has come to light recently. It’s great that we can start talking about these issues out in the open. What’s even worse, is how so many of my colleagues have responded to this renewed conversation around diversity:
Well, get ready, because I am here to shout about it on the internet.
I have a lot of things to say about diversity right now so the next few posts will focus on that. But to start- I feel I should properly set the background for where I am coming from on this:
Despite using female pronouns, I am not a diversity candidate in tech
I say this not to distance myself from those that truly are. I declare this because I want to share with you a rather unique perspective on all that is going on, as someone who got dragged into “diversity” culture by accident and realized we should all be talking about this.
Reasons I am not a diversity candidate
For decades (and even now) the perception of software engineering culture was strongly influenced by media stereotypes.
This stereotype came along with a list of typical cultural behaviors:
- limited social abilities or interest
- extensive time spent in front of computer screens, often to the detriment of other in person skills and experiences
- fandom obsessions including some combination of video games, anime, Science Fiction or Fantasy etc…
- wears glasses
Well folks- I may have a vagina, but I also spent most of my formative teen years 1. spending time with digital friends instead of real ones 2. via an online game called “Ultima Online” or on fanfiction.net 3. obsessing over all things anime and 4. Wearing glasses. Case and point:
Yes. That is literally the most embarrassing photo of me that exists and I have just put it on the internet. I share it because there is a reason I picked engineering. There is a reason that I had literally never heard of imposter syndrome until a polite young lady asked me about it in one of my talks only a couple years ago. The reason is, I have always felt like I belonged in software engineering.
When I started studying computers I already knew all about online culture, how to interact with other engineers and generally how our bizarre social dynamics already worked. Through countless personality tests it is clear that I am data oriented and am logical before I am emotional, meaning I like to interact with people and solve problems like the majority of engineers. Thus I did not bring a diverse point of view to tech. I was just a token lady who already fit into the tech culture.
I had no problem finding study partners at school or getting picked for groups. No one felt like they didn’t know how to interact with me and I rarely had anything unique to bring to the table. Things just flowed. Which frankly, is a super fun easy way to live life. Turns out that privilege is pretty great when you don’t know that’s what’s happening.
This is why it is inappropriate to call me a diversity hire. Other than my vagina, I did not contribute to the diversity of thought within the tech industry. At least at first I didn’t.
What the fuck does “diversity” mean anyway?
Now you can read the above and say “you don’t get to say you’re not diverse! You’re still a woman and being a woman has a unique point of view”. Sure, I suppose you could say that- so then is diversity gender? Is it race? What the fuck is it anyway?!!?!!
I don’t have the answer to this question because it’s really complicated. However, I do know that what companies call diversity- is definitely not the fucking answer.
I know corporate diversity is bullshit because it is written and developed by people like me! People who based on their background have likely managed to go their entire lives without ever really talking about any of the following: race, poverty, sexual-orientation, living with disabilities, ethnicity, religion, gender. Why? Because when you live in a super homogeneous society like I, and so many of my colleagues do, those things literally never come up. Why talk about race when everyone you spend time with is the same race? Why talk about poverty when your definition of broke is “I just spent all my money on candy crush”. Sorry, but the people that traditionally lead companies are just not equipped to know fucking anything about diversity.
I have conscious memories of the first time anyone ever brought up the idea of race as a limitation. I was 18 years old and a friend told me he didn’t want to drop me off at my dorm because he didn’t want it to look bad that a black man was dropping off a white girl after 2am. I literally had no fucking idea what he was talking about. You know what I did? I told him he was “overreacting”. I told HIM his feelings were invalid. Do you know how many of my colleagues feel this way about all diversity conversations?? Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say “well I never felt that way, maybe you’re overreacting.” THE PEOPLE WHO SAY THIS SHIT ARE THE SAME PEOPLE MAKING DIVERSITY POLICIES! (PS sorry past friend, 18 year old Kasey was a real idiot)
What you need to do about it!
Since entering the engineering pipeline in college, something odd has happened to me. Because of my vagina everyone started expecting me to go to all the diversity events. I have had actual counselors shame me when I told them I wasn’t interested in joining ACM-W (college computer club for ladies). There’s an endless barrage of invites for mentoring circles, conferences, panels, talks, newsletters, facebook groups, the list goes literally on and on. Eventually it became easier to give in and sit in the back of the room than to constantly explain how I didn’t feel like those events were for me. Despite always feeling like an intruder in diversity spaces, I started to listen. What I heard was fucking DEPLORABLE.
This is why it burns my ears to hear people say unbelievable bullshit like
“If women didn’t take things so seriously, there wouldn’t be as much sexism”
“Why do black people always make it about race?”
“I don’t care who you have sex with, I just don’t want to hear about it”
PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAY THESE THINGS! People like past me. Chances are, you’ve said some of these things and you didn’t even notice.
People who think because they have never seen it or felt it, discrimination can’t exist, or that it’s rare. People who don’t experience it themselves don’t understand that one comment can be indicative of systemic issues. People like past me don’t know what it feels like to always think they are somehow intruders, interlopers or worse- imposters.
So here is my ask of YOU, very well represented majority individual in tech: Fucking. educate. yourself. Do like I did, start showing up at diversity conversations.
Just sit in the back and listen, I promise, you’re allowed. At Grace Hopper last year in front of everyone they took a moment for us to all clap for the 1000 dudes who braved the wilds of GHC. DO YOU HEAR THAT? 14,000 WOMEN CLAPPED FOR YOU! (Which is frankly ridiculous, but look at the world we live in) Go to the conferences, read those news articles, check out those talks at work. Are we not all curious engineers? Do we not all get obsessive when we find new ideas? Once I started to pull the thread of “diversity in tech” what I found was so deep and complex it wasn’t long before I found myself actively engaging in this new group. The amazing part- now I am actually bringing new ideas to the industry.
Overtime, I grew into being a diversity hire.
Now I think differently. I notice things I never did before. I notice my relationships and my role in them more. I think about customers in a completely new way. I have better self awareness (well, as much as you can for an internet troll) and deeper relationships with all my colleagues.
Not sure where to start? Karen Church put together an amazing list of nonprofits, conferences, clubs and organizations that all talk about diversity and welcome everyone to join the conversation. These are focused on the bay area, but almost all of them either accept people from all over or have counter parts in different locations:
Are you a podcast person? Don’t lie, I know you listen to NPR podcasts! Add these to your commute listening time too:
Do you have a space to talk about diversity in tech that’s not listed above? Comment it below! Let’s bring everyone to the table and maybe for once we’ll actually start listening to one another :)
Liked this? Hit the little ❤ so others can find this post. Keep an eye out for more posts from Kasey every other Tuesday as she tells stories from both the classroom and the tech industry. Next post coming 8/15/17
