You won’t believe what happened to these vegan bears!

Haha, aren’t click-bait headlines funny? Haha, can’t stop laughing.

The truth is they’re not. If this is what we need to catch people’s attention, journalism is down the road to hell. Because journalism can’t compete. I mean journalism, not that bullshit that passes for it these days.

In a free society where democracy reigns, journalists are paramount. They’re second only to the people. Journalism shines a light into the corrupting shades of power. Without it, anything goes. Law can’t draw a target. The people can’t inform themselves.

Now, some in the audience think this is not so. That citizen journalism is enough. That blogs can cover all bases. You’re so innocent, so pure of heart. But you’re being silly. I studied enough about journalism in college to know that I’m not a journalist. A journalist undergoes specific training, has a specific tone and point of view. Journalists hone their craft over time. I can code a lot of things, but I can’t even begin to imagine the first step in writing an operating system. Only the best developers do. Same with journalists.


I have a permanent respect for journalism as the best way to heal democracy’s main failures: that power corrupts, and absolute power… You know. That’s what makes it so painful to realize the Daily Mail exists. I’m not targeting the people at the Mail. People are fundamentally good. Corporations aren’t. Corporations are fundamentally evil, because their core value is profit. A journalist’s core value is the truth, hence them being positive to democracy.

I heard about the extinct vegan bears and laughed. Vegan bears. Haha. Aren’t vegan bears funny? Pandas are funny, and they’re vegan bears too!

Of course the word vegan doesn’t mean you eat plants. Herbivores eat plants. Vegans eat a plant-based diet, use nothing with animals as an ingredient, and reject animals as property. Herbivore bears are super dandy, but they don’t philosophize over the commodity status of animals. They don’t go out shopping for vegan shoes. They don’t ask the waitress if the vinaigrette has honey in it. Some animals eat plants, and the maximum definition you can place on them is that they’re herbivores. Isn’t herbivore a fine term?

Even this non-vegan bear is like “what you talkin’bout Daily Mail you punk-ass idiots?” (Source)

As a vegan, I’m not complaining that we’re calling an herbivore bear a vegan bear. My complain is the excuse it gives journalists to grind on veganism. I’m sorry, I wrote journalists there. I meant tools of corporate journalism. The Mail’s click-bait headline is Can being vegan make you go EXTINCT? The uppercase ‘extinct’ is theirs, by the way.

Let’s see, can you go extinct from being vegan? You, a person? Of course not, that’s stupid. Individual members of a species don’t go extinct. But that’s semantics.

Instead, consider the state of Earth. Climate deniers can whine all they want, but the universe doesn’t give two fucks about climate deniers. Climate change is real. Now, I could duplicate the work of people who did the math on the emissions of animal agriculture. But I’m not gonna. There’s an entire fucking documentary about it. Go watch it instead.

If methane from livestock is so destructive, how can being vegan make you go extinct? The signs are pointing more and more to the contrary. In fact, if we are to survive, we need to curb emissions so much that being vegan is a no-brainer. As Cowspiracy puts it, going vegan has an almost immediate impact in your emissions. Cutting down on carbon takes a long time to have an effect, but methane’s impact is felt quickly.

You decide whether the fucking extinction of Humankind is worth that sweet meat. Seriously, you decide. Your actions are part of the equation.


At this point I’m grinding meat-eaters. I didn’t plan to. I just wanted to grill bad journalism. I wanted to grill a writer that forgot gorillas and elephants as your everyday successful herbivores. Oh, right, successful vegans! I wanted to grill a scientist that uses the term vegan to describe an herbivorous animal.

In this apartment, we compost our garbage. After a few days in the pile, food looks disgusting. It’s not just garbage, it’s an hideous mass of bloody nightmares. The funny thing though, is that it still looks better than the Mail. You see, just because you sit some journalists in a room and force them to write something so you can make a buck, the result isn’t necessarily journalism. It could be. More and more, it isn’t. And if the trend continues, it’s not vegans that have to worry about articles flaming them. It’s every single citizen of democracy, worrying about corruption, cop abuse, inequality, lobbying, mass data collection, and every bad thing you know the people in power are doing to stay in power.

That is the price of bad journalism.