Five-Star Review: Mini HEARTshots
It was the morning of my photoshoot with the one, the only, the ineffable Darius Bashar. As I walked to the studio on a bright winter morning, I could barely feel the barbs of cold as I got increasingly nervous — in that excited, butterflies-in-stomach sort of way.
This shoot was a big deal to me, and I wanted to show up fully to spark some great moments. But I wasn’t sure that I was ready.
You see, I’d booked my “Mini HEARTshots” session as a commemoration of STRENGTH, after a year of battling the most difficult health downswing of my life. And I’d chosen an outfit with a lot of meaningful pieces to it, featuring:
• The grey suit from my best friend’s wedding.
• The pink tie from a sublime film after-party.
• The black shirt from my mom’s funeral.
• Comfy socks from my first hospital visit in 2020.
• And, for good luck, my favourite pair of underwear. (sushi print!)
So as I arrived, I was becoming more and more flush with big emotions. After several deep, bracing breaths, I climbed the stairs to the studio and met Kelly — the makeup artist for the shoot. She flashed her pearly whites in the most welcoming way, which immediately helped take the edge off my nerves. She chatted disarmingly as she gussied me up, offering up several genuine compliments and questions; each new thought lovelier than the last.
After her final flourishes, Darius burst through the door to check on me. His deep baritone and chill vibe were certainly calming, but also sent a cold shiver of anticipation down my spine. It was time to go! We crossed the hall to Mint Studios and it was GORGEOUS beyond what I’d expected. Enormous floor-to-ceiling windows bathed the chic modern decor in brilliant sunlight, providing a ton of variety for places to pose.
We only had 20 minutes for the shoot, so Darius quickly introduced me to the team: Sean on lights, Brandon on cinematography, and Hajer on digital tech. Warm hellos were exchanged all around, and then we swiftly got down to business.
I’ve done a few photoshoots in the past, but never with someone so masterful in their craft. Darius and the team were firing on all cylinders right from the get-go, plying me with encouragement as I shook off the initial tension of being in front of the lens. Several special moments really stand out.
After a few opening shots, Darius asked me: “What’s your favourite swear word?”
“Fuck, of course,” I said immediately, which elicited a grin.
“Oh it’s not so obvious,” he replied. “You’d be surprised how many people say shit!”
My playful side began to emerge, as I swayed and danced and sashayed around the space. But there was still a throttle preventing my full emotional range. I knew that I wanted to let out some of the pain from my recent past, but I just wasn’t there yet. I took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves — ready to change things up, but not quite sure how to switch gears. Fortunately, Darius was incredibly astute.
“Ted, now I want you to take a creative risk,” he said. “Any kind of risk, whatever comes to you.”
So, without hesitation, I began to roar. And once I started, I kept digging deeper. I roared over and over, releasing some seriously repressed gunk that had been bogging me down. And this strong emotion was received so wonderfully by the crew — who seemed genuinely glad to see me unburden myself in that way.
To close the shoot, I wanted to get in touch with my body more tenderly. To forgive its lapse into illness and reforge the bond of trust with my corporeal self. It has been… overwhelmingly difficult at times, being a somber passenger as my entire digestive system ground to a halt in 2021. This was as good a time as ever to avow self-love for this ol’ bag of bones — and when I relayed this idea to Darius, he replied with the perfect words:
“This is a moment just for you. Go deep into your body; channel yourself and your incredible energy. For now, pretend that we aren’t here at all.”
To completely immerse myself, I removed my shirt and breathed deeply, placing my hands on my belly and heart. I emitted some final, guttural roars before calming down and tearing up. Right then and there, I made a solemn promise to love this form, with all its flaws, regardless of what further trials may come. All under the caring, supportive tutelage of Darius and the team.
In the end, these closing shots are my favourite of the whole series. They’ve bared my barechested soul, in a way that has enabled me to keep forging ever-onward as I continue my stalwart journey back to health.
This is the true power of Darius’ HEARTshots: the stage is set to express yourself as deeply as you’re able. With his deft hands and open heart, he is a willing conduit for you to shine so brightly that you can purge the insecurities holding you back. To feel strong and truly beautiful — dismissing any dark forces that try to stifle your spirit.
So I want to offer my thanks to the whole team, from the bottom of my heart, for all of their hard work on my behalf.
• Kelly: Thank you so much for welcoming me so warmly!
• Brandon: Thanks for all of the hearty chuckles!
• Sean: Thanks for the cheeky, charming grins!
• Hajer: Thanks for playing Aerodynamic at the most crucial moment!
And thank you, Darius, FOR FRICKIN’ EVERYTHING! I’m very grateful that we’ve crossed paths. You’re a helluva guy, and by far the most gifted photographer that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.
I was truly blown away by this entire experience. Hope to go another round with y’all some day!!
Much love,
Ted Killin
