Illustration by Teddy Hose

Understanding the possessive power of extremist groups from a childhood in one.

As a teen, I never saw my adult self writing about my upbringing in Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church — or the Moonies — even going on to be in a recent A&E show for it. I figured back then that I would “grow up” and adapt to the real world, working in an office with my ideologically extreme past tucked away from coworkers.

Then Trump happened. His polarizing projections of good guys and bad guys not only resounded the Mooniverse’s hard political leanings, but the cultic behavior…

Written and Illustrated by Teddy Hose

From my late weekly webcomic, Oscillating Profundities.

Greetings, newcomer! The City by the Bay welcomes you to its seven rolling hills of sunshine, progress, and the sexiest start-up thermoses you ever regifted. As you begin to contemplate which meal(s) to cut out of your day in order to afford rent, below are some essential tips to help you navigate the bubble. Step down from that cable car, silly, and realize it’s easier to park a bike than your own car, which you won’t be needing anymore. Grab a pair of shades, make sure your Yelp app is up to date…

Go for Broke Education Services

Help You Help Us

Hands-on High Interest Education for the Uninformed

Continuing Ed in Financial Regret

Learn Hole Lending

Debt, Death and Beyond

Financial Orphan Donation Center for Rich Parent Relief

Four Years Forever

But Frat Parties, Brah

Invest in Yourself, You’re Worth a TON!

Posthumous Collection Agency for the Future of Education (Lending)

Minority Stock Photography Web Marketing for the Advancement of Rich White People

Eyes on the Textbooks, Not the Checkbooks

Center for Education Benefits for the Center

1% Interest: Interest for the 1%

Funding for Misunderstood Geniuses with Something to Prove

Grants Are for Pussies

Feed Your Head. No, It’s Starving.

Live the Dream and Never Wake Up

Job Search Motivation Guaranteed

Scholarships Are for Pussies

Knowledge Bank: Where Your Education is Our Highest Interest

Getting a Job vs. “Getting It” as an Ambitious Artist

“Money does not make the man. The man makes the money.”

These were the words of an angry black man with dread locks I saw, preaching from the empty fountain at Washington Square Park by NYU one summer, as I was just entering adulthood. This was not an uncommon scene in New York City whether it was a religious group, worker’s strike, or just some guy on crack, but this sounded different so I stopped and listened. Those words have since become something I've internalized to help guide my career path.

Over the last decade since then I've worn many…

Teddy Hose

Artist, humorist, storyteller of multiple mediums, cult survivor on A&E. CV includes Huffington Post, Laughing Squid, & McSweeney’s ϟ

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