The Writer and the Editor

Writer : I want to make a short film.

Editor : Ooh. I love short films.

Writer : I wrote the script.

Editor : Okay.

Writer : Based on a book.

Editor : Excellent

Writer : That I wrote.

Editor : Oh.

Writer : About my life

Editor : Jesus.

Writer : I want your opinion.

Editor : What’s it about?

Writer : It’s about self discovery.

Editor : Explain.

Writer : It’s about finding yourself when you’re lost.

Editor : Okay, but who finds themselves and how do they do it on the screen?

Writer : They walk down the beach.

Editor : The beach?

Writer : Last year I had some deep thinking time during a walk down the beach. I reflected on my insecurity about having a B-Grade average and how sibling rivalry affected my ego and how my sister’s best friend’s cousin committed suicide with a noose while masturbating and how sad that was.

Editor : Is there conflict on the beach? Maybe some bad weather. . . .

Writer: We’re going to use flashbacks.

Editor : Of course.

Writer : And a voiceover.

Editor : Naturally.

Writer: So what do you think?

Editor: Well I can see there’s a lot of emotion and deep issues here but, to be honest, it doesn’t feel very streamlined. I mean, you can’t just force feed emotions to an audience. You have to engage them and lead them on a journey culminating in some sort of revelation about whatever your message is.

Writer: Oh, no no. Let me explain. You don’t understand. This isn’t a popular movie.

Editor: Clearly. I’m just concerned that the audience may not get it, as you’re describing it to me.

Writer: It’s not for everyone. Some people just don’t want to dig deep. I don’t blame them. We look inside ourselves, sometimes we don’t like what we find.

Editor: Can you give me a sense of the plot? What’s at stake? Try and tell me in real time.

Writer: Our character is depressed. They go for a walk on the beach and remember trauma. And then they look out at the water, a metaphor, and find themselves.

Editor: . . . .

Editor: What about if the character has to find herself, literally? Like, what if they see themselves in the background of a photo from the other side of the country, and they set out on a physical journey to find themselves. It would be an absurd comedy that could dramatize your theme for the screen.

Writer: . . .

Editor: And then they could meet various doppelgangers and get to know themselves by learning about who they are not. At the end, the character could learn a valuable lesson and it could be heaps fun.

Bystander : Hey that’s sounds AWESOME.

Writer: Shut the FUCK up.

Editor : Just try it. I know it’s a wacky idea but it might give your character some interesting things to do besides staring into the distance.

Writer : . . .

Writer : I am an ARTIST. I am expressing MYSELF. Fuck you.

SFX : KABOOM

This has been the twenty-fifth publication of Dressing Gown, a daily blog from Ted Janet.