Great piece. I learned something. You made me think, and I thank you for that. I do see the big picture issue you present.
I am white and fit in easily into the greater Anglo-white society. However, I always sensed it was unfair (for non-whites) because I was very consciously aware of how much I wanted to be accepted /liked by people in general.
I too had to analyze what I was saying and doing to make sure I fit in. It’s different but be because of that I am empathetic to that feeling of constantly trying to “fit in”. I would think to myself I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if I “looked” different and people distrusted me out of the gate. I felt lucky for being white in a white majority society. I don’t think it’s fair.
I do however appreciate the differences in American sub cultures and we are a stronger country because of it.
It is definitely a cultural thing, but when it comes to discussing any issues where there is a lot of underlying passion (religion, politics, race, etc.) I can only participate when people are measured (calm), fair minded and and perhaps Socratic (ha). That scenario NEVER happens. I get too defensive and will I leash the worst parts of my personality.
Anyway, thank you.