Perfect on Paper.

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back… Christ Is Enough — Hillsong Worship. Listen here

In life, there is an endless cycle to learning. To stop learning, is to stop breathing, is often said, to show the vitality of learning.

Learning is a double faced concept. When the word learning is heard, it is often tied to gathering knowledge about something. But I also believe losing knowledge about something is also a form of learning. You learn to do something, and you also learn to not do something. In some cases, one leads to the other. As a believer, if you’re learning to not do something, then you must be learning to do something.

I lost my Youversion Bible streak recently, due to a phone swap, and it stung so badly. I had gotten so used to seeing three figures next to the little lightning icon. There was a sense of pride in seeing how long my streak had lasted for. Seeing it all morph into one digit again left me with a feeling of disappointment, and I almost did not go back to the application. Almost. But in that moment, I realised something: I was more concerned about the number of days I had spent with my Bible, than the influence it had on me. I then learnt that there is a difference between impressing and pleasing.

Very similar, the both of them. But under a much wider lens, the difference is very clear. The former is all about the outcome. The latter is about the process. I could impress my father with my straight A report card. But would he be pleased if he knew how it came about?

I looked back at the days, weeks, and months prior to my lost streak, and I asked myself if it pleased my Father. Granted, I was doing my devotions, but were my devotions doing me?

You see, the beginning of a learning process can be so beautiful. The preparation, the longing to embark on the journey, the gathering of the requirements, all so beautiful. But when the journey gets to the middle, the feeling of preparedness and excitement becomes a feeling of angst, especially when what you had envisioned is not what is happening. Several reasons can be responsible for this. Like me, you could be so in tune with a process, that you forget it is really not about you or your input.

I got so concerned about opening my Youversion Bible, so I don’t lose my streak, than I was concerned about losing my life. I lost my streak, eventually, and I almost lost my life. Almost.

I tried to impress God, and disguised it as pleasing Him. I tendered my streak of over 180 days, and said, “Look at me! I did that!” All those days; all that momentum, just to hit a stone and fall. Even after the fall, I was determined to make it to another day; to not lose my streak. I didn’t realise I was holding on to the wrong thing. So, I fell again and again and again. It took so many falls to gain a fresh perspective; a fresh learning experience. I fell those other times because I was learning how to not fall by working on my legs, instead of changing what I was standing on. (Disclaimer: if you’re standing on a trampoline, whether you are Forest Gump or you have bionic legs, you are not going to stand straight).

I remembered a clip from one of Tim Ross’s sermons. He was talking about how religion makes you numb, because religion is about how your works make you right with Him, and not His grace makes me right with Him. And in that moment, my lost streak did not matter anymore. That was just a figure on a screen. That was just me trying to impress. That was just being perfect on paper. And I am not called to impress; neither am I called to be perfect on paper. I am called to perfection.

So, yes, I fell in the middle. Multiple times. I lost sight in the middle. I lost the sight of the New Horizon. But that’s okay. Not because I handle disappointments well, or because I am genuinely out of tears to cry or pain to feel, but because the New Horizon was a promise made by the One who is unchangeable.

I might not be where I hoped to have been mid year. I might not have accomplished certain goals. I might not have increased my income. I might still be in school. I might still be bald. But Christ is still enough to sustain me. And it’s still the first half. This is the 2005 Champions League final(if you know, you know), and I am Liverpool. With that, I want to leave you all with this song(I promise, it wasn’t pun intended), as a reminder to not journey the rest of the year without Jesus. And to be more interested in pleasing Him, than impressing Him. There is such a difference; a breath of fresh air. I am increasing the capacity of my lungs to breathe in that freshness.