A terrorist hand at work. The marker was wrestled away before he could complete his mission.

Blaming Terrorists For Protests, Vietnam Bans the Sale of Felt-Tip Markers

By Nguyễn Phú Wrọng, 17 May 2016

HO CHI MINH CITY, VIETNAM — The Vietnamese authorities have alleged that terrorists are to blame for the continuing protests over the environmental disaster that’s been affecting the central provinces since early last month. A government official muttered, “Terrorists are stirring up public discontent for their own twisted purposes, namely clean water and food.”

The statement came as police and plainclothes agents stepped up their efforts to break up demonstrations by infiltrating crowds to push women around, offering free bus rides to undisclosed detention facilities, and just acting spooky in general.

Felt-tip Markers Banned, Effective Immediately

As tensions escalate, the government has taken the bold action of banning the sale of felt-tip markers. According to police, felt-tip markers can be combined with scraps of paper to make a crude sort of thought-bomb. Other names for these explosive devices are “slogans,” “ideas,” and “poetry.” The extremist group uses the markers to write divisive words such as “clean,” “save” and “environment.” Never resting, the terrorists have started to expand beyond words and are now learning to draw. Recent propaganda has included cute drawings of fish, hearts, and even rainbows. This latest development is seen as a way to attract children to the subversive movement.

The public is advised to report any suspicious marker activity to the police. If you find a marker you should carefully remove the cap and place the device in direct sunlight where it will dry out and be rendered harmless.

Children have been enlisted in the subversive cause. The one in the middle looks especially dangerous.

PLEASE NOTE: Much of this story is taken directly from other news sources. The marker ban is false. Sadly, the rest of it isn’t. Also, there is no such person as Nguyễn Phú Wrọng.

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