Toxic People Exist, and Sometimes It’s Actually You
We either let it define us, or learn from it and grow.
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What is a toxic person?
A toxic person is defined as someone who constantly exhibits upsetting, hurtful, and negative behavior that often brings out the worst in people.
You’ve probably met them.
The manipulative ex who won’t admit that they did you wrong, the nosy Karens at work, that one stuck-up person you can’t stand in school, or even your judgmental family members.
Bottomline is:
No one likes toxic people.
No one wants to be around someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself and causes you suffering by being a toxic, insufferable butthole.
That said, we oftentimes forget to take into account one thing…
Sometimes, we are the toxic person.
Yes, you read that right.
You’ve probably been a toxic person in someone else’s story at some point, and that shouldn’t come as a surprise — human nature is flawed by design.
Nobody’s perfect.
What matters more is that you’re willing to learn from your mistakes, change your ways, and become a better person each day.
Self-awareness is key.
The first step to stop being a toxic butthole is to acknowledge and accept that you are in fact, a toxic butthole.
Being aware of your own flaws is the first step to fix them. You can’t start fixing something unless you knew that it needed fixing in the first place.
That said, it all starts by being able to recognize the most common behaviors exhibited by toxic people.
Once you’re aware of these behaviors, you’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror, do some self-reflecting, and perhaps even kickstart some changes to effectively deal with it.
The 7 Most Common Toxic Behaviors
Although there are plenty of ways that toxic people behave, I will be listing the seven most common ones that I have personally encountered and experienced.
1. They invalidate your feelings.
Toxic people don’t care about how you feel.
They’re narcissists who are too focused on themselves that they tend to disregard other people’s emotions.
Things toxic people say:
• “You’re being too sensitive.”
• “You’re always overreacting.”
• “It could’ve been worse.”
These people belittle your feelings. They don’t recognize the magnitude of your emotions and are dismissive about how you feel.
Does that sound like one of your exes?
Is it your current spouse perhaps?
If so, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship.
2. They play victim a lot.
Instead of acknowledging that they did you wrong, toxic people will resort to playing the “I’m-the-victim” game.
They will claim that they’re being “bullied” or “oppressed” instead of it being the other way around.
In other words, they’ll hurt you, but make it seem like you’ve hurt them.
These people will ultimately look for reasons to make you look bad in the eyes of others.
It’s almost like a black propaganda scheme that’s manipulative to the core.
3. They hate seeing you happy.
Toxic people don’t want to see you winning or leading a happy, successful life.
Instead, they thrive in seeing you miserable and depressed.
These types of people are often envious of your accomplishments or status in life.
Got a promotion at work? Oh no, Karen’s bitter about it. She suddenly despises you for getting that promotion instead of her.
They could honestly just die mad about it while you thrive and shine ahead of them.
4. They gaslight you intentionally.
Toxic people intentionally gaslight others in an attempt to manipulate them.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that aims to psychologically distort a victim’s sense of reality.
There are many ways that gaslighting can occur. Here are a few examples:
- The Lie and Deny
Gaslighters lie a lot. Once they are confronted with their lies, they will keep denying until you eventually give in and start to believe their lies. - The Build and Tear
Gaslighters will attempt to build you up and tear you down…repeatedly. This abusive cycle makes you dependent on them for constant emotional support. - The Emotional Blackmail
Gaslighters will prey on your fear, guilt, or sense of obligation. This tactic usually involves conditional statements from the abuser, such as: “If you don’t do this, I will hurt you or myself”.
Victims of frequent gaslighting often lose their sense of self after long periods of time. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?
5. They look down on you.
Some toxic people possess a massive ego and superiority complex.
Their arrogance, fueled by their false sense of superiority and entitlement, often makes them look down on other people.
As a result, these toxic people like to casually belittle and demean others.
They will make you feel small and pulverize your self-esteem. They absolutely hate it if you try to correct their mistakes, too.
These egomaniacs will walk into a room, flaunting the “I’m better than you” crown all the time, which I find extremely annoying.
If that sounds like you, then maybe you should tone it down a bit.
6. They gossip a lot.
While gossiping isn’t inherently toxic, it largely depends on the context.
Admit it. We’ve all gossiped at some point in our lives. It’s something that cannot be avoided no matter what you do.
People love hearing juicy details about someone’s life every once in a while.
However, here’s the thing:
Gossiping becomes toxic once it provokes distrust and antagonism.
It becomes toxic when it only serves to sully someone’s reputation out of spite and contributes nothing to society.
Toxic people often gossip because they’ve got nothing better going on in their lives.
They’re probably bored, malcontent, bitter, or maybe they just want to stir the pot and brew some chaos.
Either way, you’re better off spending your time doing more productive things rather than gossiping.
7. They are overcritical.
Being overcritical, in a figurative sense, means viewing everything through tiny, macro lenses or magnifying glasses.
Overcritical people often criticize and find faults in others.
These toxic people scrutinize and nitpick every small thing that you say or do.
Chances are, they’ll also brazenly point out your mistakes in public and humiliate you in front of other people. Ouch.
They’re so hyper-focused on fault-finding other people that they often forget to spot their own flaws and shortcomings.
Did you find any of these relatable?
If you have, then maybe it’s time for you to do some self-evaluation.
Oftentimes, it is so convenient for us to accuse Chad or Marites of being toxic without realizing that we too have our personal shortcomings.
We easily succumb to painting other people in shades of black and white, while constantly viewing ourselves through delusional, rose-tinted glasses.
Human as we are, we all make mistakes.
It’s time for us to stop throwing blame around like it’s confetti on New Year’s Eve and start taking accountability for our actions.
So yes…
Toxic people exist, and sometimes, it’s actually you.
We either let our toxic behaviors define us, or we could choose to learn from them and grow as individuals.
