What It Is Like To Not Have A “Squad”

Lessons from a life lived squad-less

A Little Girl Tries
Sep 4, 2018 · 5 min read

Teenage girls know how it is.

“What are you doing this weekend?” a friendly soul might ask.

Full defense mode initiated within the young woman’s head:

She has two goals in this conversation.

Goal 1: Make it seem like I have a lot of friends.

Goal 2: Make my life seem anything-yes, anything-but boring.

“Oh,” she might answer, “Just going to check out some trendy new area with the squad.”

Mission accomplished.

Thanks to her “squad”, she now appears popular and busy.

More interiorly, because of her “squad” she now feels wanted, loved, and appreciated. The squad provides her with the security of never having to eat with a stranger, spend a weekend alone, or be unsure of who to pick for her team when Trivia Night comes around.

“Squad”one might phrase a hashtag, “is life.”


But what is a squad?

In case anyone reading this is over the ancient age of thirty, allow me to explain.

Those three people who save each other’s dinner spots every night for the entire year.

The three faces beside your daughter’s that feature in seventy-five percent of her Instagram photos.

The other four people on your club’s board that all know what is going on before you do.

Those are squads.

And, while squads can offer a often fake security to girls, they can also provide a nurturing community of like-minded people that grow close to each other and share memories.


I do not have a “squad”.

I am not sure if I ever did.

This is not to say that I am a loner or do not have friends. I have been blessed with many friends from all stages of my life. I even have a best friend.

But forty friends are not going to invite me with them on weekend adventures like a Squad will. Even if I am friendly with most of the school, “most of the school” will not show up to dinner to make sure I have a table of best friends to sit at. Those things are what squads are for.

For a time I was sad I did not have a squad.

More than sad, I was confused.

When I arrived at college, for example, I talked to everyone, became friends with dozens of people, and we had great one-on-one conversations.

But, more often than not, their squad would overtake them at meal times or in the hallway. They were their life and I was simply the friend who was there to talk when the squad happened to be away. These people were the ones who filled their social media posts and invited them over to their dorms for movie nights and parties.

That I was not invited to.

Because, while everyone’s “friend”, I was in no one’s squad.


What to do if you are not a “squad” person?

Because I have recently realized that it is a type of person.

That what I always thought was a “problem” is actually just the way I am.

(Now is when you may begin playing “This Is Me” from the Greatest Showman on low volume.)

But, seriously, for a long time I believed other people were always surrounded by their “group” because they were more sociable than I. That the reason I did not have invitations to go out every weekend was because I was not trying hard enough to be fun, popular, and attractive to every one around me.

I tried harder. I wore myself out trying to appear popular, trying to follow other squads, and trying to compliment and flatter those around me in an attempt to feel accepted.

In the end, I still felt alone. No matter how many events I attended, the person beside me always seemed to have attended more parties and knew more people.


Through prayer and reading, I have found some light.

I have found the reason I do not have a squad. I have also made friends with others who are squad-less.

(Perhaps we should form a Squad of People Without a Squad?)

And I have discovered why I felt alone.

It turns out that I was not alone on the weekends. I knew what others were doing most of the time and I could’ve tagged along. I knew that there was a movie playing downstairs and I could join that particular squad to watch it. If I joined that squad enough for different activities, I could become part of it.

I did not want to.

Even if the Squad Life had chosen me,I did not want to choose the Squad Life.

When friends went shopping on weekends, I had arranged to spend my Saturday volunteering instead. When friends stayed in once it began to rain, I went on our planned adventure anyway. When friends wanted to eat at six but I was hungry at five, I went to dinner early and sat with someone I did not know.


None of this is to say I am somehow “above” the squad.

I am not. I am just different.

I plan my days based on what I want to do and what I should do rather than what my group of friends wants to do.

Selfish?

Maybe but I believe that is where God’s plan comes in. If one is doing what God wills for her life, then, whether alone or in a group, He will use her.

May He use me every day of my life.

Oremus Pro Invicem

Teresa

A Little Girl Tries

Written by

Twenty. Nursing Student. Catholic. A soul capable of loving Him. Talk to me here: teresasideas@gmail.com https://www.facebook.com/LittleGirlTries99/

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