Time for preparation: Becoming a wise leader in the new paradigm
I recently quit my job in the impact investing industry to learn about psycho-spirituality. I decided to leave my “dream” career path to prepare to become a wounded healer and leader, ready to midwife a new cultural, economical and political paradigm. In this piece, I will be sharing my thoughts about this transition and exploring the key elements of my path to becoming a wise leader.
I decided to take space from most of the projects and networks that I was a part of to explore my inner world and the wounds that I have constructed my personality around. I stepped away from the trajectory of social and environmental business to prepare for the kind of leadership that the new paradigm is asking for. Leadership that requires courage, fierce vulnerability, authenticity and self-awareness to name a few qualities. Deciding to jump into the unknown and exploring the depths of my inner world wasn’t an easy decision. Before taking the leap, I had multiple dreams where I pictured myself at the edge of a cliff, paralyzed by fear, as I watched others jump joyfully in the ocean. I longed to explore the unknown parts of my identity but my need to be in control and to know who I was created an obstacle. I knew that I had to make a big decision but I wasn’t sure where it would take me. At first, I tried to convince myself that I needed to get an MBA. Then, I believed for about a week that I could become an environmental lawyer. I wanted to be part of creating a new paradigm where human beings’ lives and needs are valued and where the language of peace and love prevails, but my old programming was looking for safety in careers, schools and education approved by the old paradigm. I was so frustrated because my heart was just not having it. My heart was not into studying for the GMAT. My heart was not into going to Harvard. My mind tried to convince my heart about the change and transformation that I would be able to create if I could just suffer for a couple more years. Finally, my heart won. I am grateful for the power of my heart who always leads me to the right decision, even when my mind can’t quite comprehend. Listening to our hearts helps us create this more beautiful and loving world.
As a finish the first semester of my Masters’ program at the California Institute of Integral Studies, I have been able to give meaning to this special time of learning and growth. This is a time of preparation and training so that I can share my unique gifts with the world. For the next three years, I plan on learning how to be a responsible adult, a wounded healer and an authentic leader in service of the new paradigm. I see three main growth areas in this process of becoming a vulnerable and fierce leader ready to bring transformation to a world that is needs it: inner-work, cultivating cooperative relationships and the establishment of self-care practices.
Inner-work
This is not an easy one, it takes courage and patience. This process involves looking into the parts of yourself that you have left behind because they were too painful to look at. Awareness and compassion will be your best friends during this time, as well as a therapist or spiritual healer/teacher. Most of us have had difficult childhoods that have left us with wounds, fears and unhealthy patterns. We at least have all been affected by a violent patriarchal and oppressive society that has left us very wounded. Integrating these shadow parts is important because you don’t want to be projecting your own wounds and fears on the work that you are doing in the world. Additionally, when you bring your loving attention to these wounds, they become gifts. I have been recently taking the time to feel and explore my core wound of abandonment. An intergenerational trauma that has been part of my family system for at least four generations. Through exploration, I am aware that feeling abandoned has enhanced my capacity to love unconditionally. There are different ways to do your inner-work. Here are some examples: therapy, medicine work, vision quests, ceremonies, retreats and everyday life when you are aware of your experience. In this process of deep exploration, you will probably face uncomfortable feelings such as shame, grief, and anger. Rest assured that you are also opening your heart to greater feelings of love, freedom and joy. As our light shines brighter, our shadow grows bigger. We want to develop authentic relationships that help us see our blind spots.
Cultivating cooperative relationships
Build relationships that nourish and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. Being part of a soul tribe, a group of people with whom I resonate with on a deep level and who see me, has been very helpful. Your tribe provides you with a holding space in which you can experiment, learn and make mistakes. Find the people who will lovingly call you in because they care about you. I am learning how to relate differently with others by being transparent about my feelings and needs. I feel more fulfilled in these relationships. Find the people with whom you want to dive deeper with and learn how to be in conflict and repair. I know that we are afraid of conflict but I have experienced it as being a doorway to greater connection. I am not saying that you must pick a fight with your best friends. I am suggesting that you lean into the discomfort and share when you feel angry, disappointed and sad. Let your friends know when your needs are not being met. Be honest and vulnerable with your tribe and ask for feedback. As you grow into leadership, your tribe will be your ethics committee. Keeping you in check when your ego is about to explode, and letting you know when it is time to take more risk. I have also started the process of healing my relationship with my parents. I will probably be working on healing that relationship for my entire life. I have noticed something beautiful in this process. As I do my inner-work and show up with compassion while using non-violent communication to express my needs and feelings, they are changing and opening up. This is a good reminder that you are not only doing the work for yourself. It has a ripple effect. Nurturing intimate relationships is as important as cultivating a relationship with yourself.
Establishing self-care practices
This is VERY important. We often forget about this one. I like to think of myself as the princess of self-care. I love getting massages, spending time with nature and taking mental health days. I love creating time to take care of myself. We are running a marathon in a chaotic and ever-changing world. To feel centered and ready to lead from a place of inner-peace, we must first and foremost take care of ourselves. When the planes goes down, you put your mask on before helping your neighbor. We need to be healthy and centered to support others. Self-care includes taking care and strengthening the body (physical), the heart (emotions), and the spirit (spiritual). Find a physical practice that keeps your body alive and moving. This could be dancing, jumping, or taking long urban walks. You want your body to feel strong and resilient. I also invite you to explore ways to work with difficult emotions. I recommend not repressing them or you may end up like me, filled with rage, screaming at the universe. Feel the shit out of your feelings, let them move through you. Feeling your rage, your anger and your grief is healthy. Remember that just because you feel angry doesn’t mean that you need to act on it. For me, this looks like somatic based therapy, emotional regulation and screaming at the top of my lungs in a pillow. Finally, creating a spiritual practice of self-care can be supportive. It has personally enhanced my well-being. By spiritual practice, I mean creating time and space to engage in an activity that connects you to something bigger than you. I enjoy creating and holding rituals to acknowledge beginnings and endings in my life. My daily meditation practice helps me start the day feeling centered and ready for any challenge. Make time for yourself, and love yourself.
Inner-work, relationships and self-care are the magical ingredients of my growth journey to becoming a leader in service of the new paradigm. Our journeys are all unique and there are many other components to becoming a heart-centered leader and healer. I have learned through experience that making an external impact without exploring our own internal world can be detrimental to ourselves and others. We face the risk of re-creating the negative patterns that we are trying to avoid. How do we end patriarchy and racism if we don’t explore how we have internalized these oppressive systems? We must take the time necessary to become wiser humans capable of collaborating without having our unexplored subconscious running the show. This is an invitation to change-makers and leaders to become aware of their inner-worlds so that they feel empowered to make conscious decisions. We also need support systems that nurture our unique gifts while keeping us accountable. Let’s start by transforming ourselves so that we can transform the world that we are co-creating.
