Failures , Vulnerability and Badges for Parents

My son Adam as a newly licensed driver…fabulous milestone

Last night I was chatting with my lovely neighbors Sean and Diana (aka Mole Mama) about random things while Diana cooked and Sean made me a lovely rum cocktail. I mentioned two things that caught Diana’s attention related to rejections I had experienced. She was stunned at both of them and told me that I really need to share these kinds of things more often because, she said, I make everything look so easy. It was a really interesting observation and I decided to run with her suggestion.

I am generally a persistent and resilient person and I am constantly looking for new opportunities so when there is a set back, I will simply try a new approach and I don’t dwell for long on the failure.

The two rejections I mentioned to Diana had to do with approaching someone to become friends about 10 years ago and the other was when I asked someone to be my mentor. While I was stunned and pained by the rejections (they are still a bit painful to this day), I don’t spend time thinking about them and I haven’t let either one change my determination to succeed.

Apparently I have failed with compartmentalization this week, too.

Today, I totally cried watching the video of my 16 year old son Adam driving away in his Jeep. I thought I was so good with it but apparently not. One step closer to freedom for him. We parents should get a badge each time our kids reach a fabulous milestone. We helped them get there and then we seem to be left behind in the forward progress of our kids.

I also cried last night when talking to my mom about the eulogy she wrote for my grandmother who recently passed away. I thought I was good there, too, (she was almost 95, not in good health, and had a brain tumor). But apparently not.

When I keep it theoretical and cerebral, I am all good. Add in reality and I fall apart.

So why am I sharing all of this? It is because of what Diana said. What I do and what I achieve is not easy and I don’t want others to compare themselves to me and come up short. I am glad I inspire others…I always like to be inspired and appreciate being an inspiration to someone else. I too compare myself to others and come up short and then have to remind myself that we all have our own journeys and we don’t see the entire picture. I want others to know that what we show in the world is only part of who we are and what we experience.

I don’t have it all figured out. I screw up. I cry. I worry. I fail. I suck at a lot of things. But I always find a way to stand tall, lift my chin up, and take the next step as new paths and opportunities present themselves. And apparently we will have more time now that Adam has some freedom with his new (to him) wheels. (click on the link below until I can fix the video embed) :)

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