The Feelings of a New Dad
Fatherhood, there has to be some sort of boilerplate moment of sentiment, when I spill my recent ideas. So here it is. After having our baby boy, Teddy, come into ours lives, it has made me realize the position of a modern humble male. I am just a singular person. I am just a regular guy. I try to do my best on a daily basis— now for someone who depends on me. Now as part of a special nuclear unit. There is no greater honor, no greater feeling of authentic necessity. I have a chance to bestow on him everything that everyone around has taught me, alive or dead, blood relation or close acquaintance. Fatherhood, and what I now know. Everything in life as one, something to learn.
I feel there is nothing that brings a person to wake each day feeling so important as having another little person to take care of. This person is someone just like you. Having the opportunity to make change here, now, before me, and reflect myself, and reflect my father. I have never been more awake as I have been while mostly sleep deprived, living each moment, thinking of the euphemisms told by those attempting to teach new parents; let me be clear, you will not sleep some nights, babies have and do cry all day, and sometimes reading Dr Seuss to a sleeping newborn is more powerful than reading an original work to a large crowd of people who seem to enjoy your poetry.
The pleasure of having a baby is understanding that past problems and trivial worries are and were nearly jokes, euphemisms, I mean, now they seem laughable. I change dirty diapers. I did get sprayed with afterbirth. Realizing that last night was just last night, there will be more twilights of hours for rest, and hopefully there will be a more quiet, milk-drunk baby on his back in dreamland, sprawling in an alabaster bassinet. Those sort of things are occasions to smile. Clothes wash clean, all time is precious. Here comes a new day. Visitors talk of generations. Well-wishers send flowers so beautiful a person could happily sob. There really are no problems, only priceless work, and a moment to see the pieces of this puzzle called: his new life come together.
I suppose also these words together could be called “The Feelings of a New Dad”, some enigma, as expressed through a bombastic attempt at certain prose by some unknown poet, dreaming. A sort of lowball read that is actually more than magnum opus because it is, because of where it comes from, the heart. As it were I am ecstatic, elated, happy, proud, humbled, beyond words with how powerful my partner is, and has been, before, after, and during birth. I am surprised at how each day brings fresh new changes. At how I can be passionate on a seldom whim, find challenge in simple chores, and get offered assistance where I ask. Life is like that. Creating anew is perfect as ready to push (those who have delivered a baby are hip). I can smile for what I have, what I have received, and what I can give and hope that the community around will do the same — family now, and will give to him as well.