It ain’t personal it’s business.

I do not handle rejection well. I never have. I go into a depresstion and question every thing in existence.

But I am getting better. Logic is not my friend; I don’t like it. Thousands of submissions are sent out, they can’t publish all of them. The odds are against being chosen. It’s just business.

None of that helps. An artist runs on emotion. That does not get shut off like a water tap. Where I am improving is in the amount of time it takes to let go. I do not hold onto the pain forever. I get my feelings hurt and feel bad for a little bit and then move on.

I need to create for my own metal health. Otherwise I will act out distructively. I am an alcoholic with 20+ years since my last drink. One of the reasons I drank was that it loosened my inhabitions. Drunk I would approach ladies in bars. I still went home alone but I did not care, I was drunk. That is just dumb and illogical.

Now, there is sites on the Internet. I post here and there and once in a while, sometimes, someone will even acknowledge they have read it.

“I really liked that cartoon you did last week.”

“Really, which one?”

“Ah, I don’t remember. The one about the person who said or did something funny.”

Damn, for a minute I thought I might learn something about what people think is funny. I don’t know. I know what I think is funny. I laugh at funerals. I remember funny things people said when they were alive. At the book store I scan through magizines and I am buffled. Everything is computer generated and seems aimed at promoting ADHD.

It is all about acknowledgement and affirmation. If you want a class clown to be still: ignore him.

Ok, I have ranted enough. For now.