The word stuck in my head

Dichotomy: the division between two mutually opposing concepts.
I was giving my recovery story before a group when the word dichotomy sprang into my head.
I am an alcoholic. I have recovered from the obsession (by the grace of my higher power), but at the same time I am one drink away from going back to a life of self destruction. Both, of these two opposite and contrasting concepts make up the alcoholic I am.
I guess, as with any writer, I am in loved with words.
Words. The expression of a concept in a single sound.
Saturday morning, I painted;

I think this is a dichotomy of sorts. It appears to have all the organization of a drop cloth. And yet, I started off with a plan and a concept I wanted to convay. A swirling madness of crossing streams of color. X’s and T’s. I splashed and slung the paint, squeezed dry the last tubes of the cheap stuff, and had a grand time of just letting go.
Yeah, Pollack was on to something.
So, within what appears to be a mess, is a thought out and planned expression of my mind, at the time.
I let it dry in the hot sun. The cheap paint cracked, as I knew it would. It is on a piece of foam board, I must find a way to mount it.
A friend suggested I title it “Chaos”. But it is not. It is the word stuck in my head; Dichotomy. A Strom of emotion and feeling yet, at the same time; pondered and planned.
Like I said, if nothing else; it was alot of fun while it lasted.
