Currently, I am at work, at this very moment. I don’t know what made me stop my laundry list of emails and tasks to complete, but whatever did caused me to click on your story and I am so very glad and grateful that I did.
Last year, I experienced my first anxiety/panic attack. Two trips to the emergency room still didn’t help me grasp why all of a sudden I had anxiety. My anxiety came with a horrifying revelation that I have an undeniable fear of death. The assumption is that my husband who has Crohn’s was my trigger or catalyst, those two years ago, when he had to have another bowel re-sectioning surgery and I overheard “back channel” talk from his nurses that I wasn’t supposed to hear. They said that Kellen almost stopped breathing and they couldn’t give him anymore pain medication as they had maxed him out. Kellen remembers someone telling him to breathe over and over again and this was his first notion upon waking up.
I have never really lost a loved one. I have both my grandparents still. Kellen’s experience gave me the realization that I am going to die one day and I don’t want to. The thought haunts me every single day. I love life. I’m terrified of the uncertainty surrounding the inevitable.
Your story has provided me with comfort. The way you described knowing that you were happy and at peace. This has made me feel less afraid and I am going to reread your story when my anxiety starts to play with my mind and attempts to get the best of me. Your ER Nurse’s story has also given me comfort and reinforced my faith in God as well.
Thank-you for sharing your story. I imagine it is going to help so many people in ways you probably never imagined, as it has helped me and will continue to do so.