Lessons learned From Abusive Relationships

My partner was needy and demanding in a way I couldn’t say ‘No’ to. Asked me me for my time, and unearned love and energy in ways that I like to think could have easily been stopped if I had boundaries. I am still learning boundaries, but I have learned how to need and more importantly how to communicate those needs.

I have learned that when others are too serious and I’m bored and need to be engaged, I can say quite matter-of-factly, ‘I just need someone to play with me.’ Not many adults know when they just need to be played with and especially not nonsexually. I have learned how to communicate (with my mouth, not screaming uselessly from deep inside my brain, intimate things like ‘I just need you to cuddle me, I just need to be held’. Getting those words out of my body has been a blessing, hearing someone else say them, even coercively has become a gift.

I can’t tell you if these words were ever used by someone they could have been said ‘No’ to, but I try and always use these needs with people who can easily and blissfully (and often time too frequently) say ‘no’ to me.

There is power in the needy. There are boundaries in my needs, if I listen, when I hear them.