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Photo by Sherman Yang on Unsplash

Because you need a man, not a boy.

You’re looking for a partner. Someone you can look up to and proudly call “your man.”

You’re not new to this. This isn’t your first rodeo, but somewhere along the way the lines seemed to have gotten blurred; the rules, unclear.

Or perhaps it’s true what they say: after a certain age, all of “the good ones” are already taken.

So you meet slightly younger men, baby faced and clueless about the basics of interacting with a woman like a man, not a college student.

They still live with their parents, which is somewhat understandable these days , but even with the break of not having to pay rent, their entry-level jobs still don’t afford them enough financial freedom — when they don’t overspend on video games, that is. …

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

This one you can’t manufacture, but you can be ready for when it strikes.

When I married my ex-husband, I felt pretty lucky.

I had scored a handsome man who was intelligent and conscientious, and who seemed to love me very much.

On my wedding day, I had no idea I’d be divorced not five years later, on the verge of depression after having suffered through emotional abuse and gaslighting.

This year, one of my closest friends is getting married.

He found a beautiful, caring, sweet woman whom he loves — and who loves him.

He’s a catch. He’s handsome, smart, hard-working and brings home a nice paycheck (money isn’t everything, but it helps).

He’s also incredibly lucky. …

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Photo by Gian Cescon on Unsplash

And say what you have to say.

I’ve been writing for a living for close to 2 years now. While it often feels like living the dream, it sometimes feels like I’ve completely drained myself and have nothing more to give.

You’ve probably heard that writers are supposed to do just that, bleed on the page. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

And in the process of bleeding myself dry, I’ve also discovered something quite wonderful: I’ve found my voice.

I’ve honed in my writing style, and what I have to say, the message I’d like to be known for. I’s been a painful, joyful, wonderful process.

This is how you can find your writing voice…

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

How to get on the same page with your future spouse.

You’re engaged to be married.

You found your soulmate, and you’re desperately in love. So in love, in fact, you’re confident a happy life awaits you — your love will see to it.

But love alone can’t hold a marriage together. You need much more than love to overcome the challenges life throws at you. You need to be on the same page about the important stuff.

Here are 4 wrinkles you absolutely have to iron out with your future spouse before tying the knot:

How to handle finances

Too many people avoid talking about money. They believe it’s impolite, or that it’s an invasion of their privacy when their partners have a glimpse on how much they make and how they spend their money. …

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Photo by Amy Humphries on Unsplash

And how to fix it.

Communication is key in relationships, but successful communication can be tricky.

In the age of short attention spans and technology-promoted distractions, it’s no surprise that so many of us need to go back to the basics of human interaction — and how to properly listen is at top of the list.

Chances are, despite your best intentions, you’re not listening to your partner properly. You’re there in body, but not in mind and spirit. You’re listening, but you’re not actively listening.

Actively listening means truly engaging. …

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Photo by Daniel Jericó on Unsplash

First step: never take your partner for granted.

In a long-term committed relationship, it’s easy to get distracted and lose track of what matters. It’s easy to fall into a routine that includes taking care of yourself, but don’t necessarily caring for the relationship.

It’s easy to get comfortable and take your partner for granted.

Bottom line: lack of nurturing kills relationships.

A relationship ends when you place your individual goals above the goals and plans you have as a couple.

You need space as an individual, but having your own space should never mean forgetting you’re part of a couple, part of a unit. …

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Photo by Minh Pham on Unsplash

#3. Have your own life.

I wasn’t yet 30 years old when I got divorced.

My marriage began like most marriages do, fueled by love and hope. The end was bittersweet, like most divorces are: a confusion of relief and pain, of freedom and grief. As difficult as the divorce was, however, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I got married young, but even though my marriage didn’t last, it taught me many lessons about what works and what doesn’t, what’s healthy and what’s toxic in a relationship.

1. Learn to forgive and let go

Bitterness and resentment ruin relationships.

Resurrecting issues from the past in the midst of a new argument can drain the living force out of your relationship. …

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Photo by Mukul Wadhwa on Unsplash

Avoid using these if you want your story to stand out.

I’ve been on Medium for a while now (almost 2 years), and I’ve made it a habit to spend a good part of my day here, both as a writer and as a reader.

After all this time, the one thing that catches my attention more than anything are still the pictures people chose to use on their stories.

When a story catches my eye, the first thing I see is the picture, the title being the second.

That makes a big difference in how I choose what to click on, because if I see a picture I’ve seen before, my brain immediately assumes I’ve read that story already, so I instantly skip it. …

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Photo by Drew Dau on Unsplash

It’s pure luck.

I recently came across a story about the supposed virtues of never being the Other Woman, and while I agree with the overall message of maintaining your standards and not settling for being someone who makes other women miserable, I can’t agree there’s a special virtue attributed to it never happening to you.

While accepting the advances of a married man is a choice, never being the other woman is more a matter of luck than anything else, and for one simple reason: people lie.

You see, the one time I was the other woman, I didn’t know.

All I knew was that a man wanted to go out with me and since he wanted to take me on a date, I figured he was single. …

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Photo by Glen Anthony on Unsplash

It’s all about the right attitude.

I’ve been dating online on and off for the past two years or so, and I have to say the experience hasn’t always been the same.

In the beginning, I was lost, simply feeling my way in the dark. I made mistakes I didn’t realize were mistakes at the time, but which drastically impacted my results.

I felt what everyone feels, that online dating is a sham, that it’s bullshit, and 100% not for me.

I was feeling pretty discouraged, ready to give up once and for all, until I made a few simple tweaks to my profile that changed everything. …


Tesia Blake

Names have been changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

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