Tessa Gray

Trapped

Some days I feel trapped.

Trapped inside my own body.

Trapped by cancer that is doing everything it can to kill me.

Some days I wake up and don’t recognize myself.

It’s not that I look much different.

But on the inside, the old me is screaming to get out.

I feel foreign in a body that no longer feels like my own.

Some days I look in the mirror and whisper, “there she is.”

There is the woman who keeps fighting, who loves herself, and I tell her I love her and to keep moving forward, no matter how hard it seems.

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I am tired.

I am tired of being sick.

I am tired of feeling like I am not good enough.

I am tired of feeling unaccomplished in my career.

I am tired of worrying about what kind of future I will have because of my diagnosis.

I am tired of living my life scan to scan.

I am tired of seeing the people I love most see me so sick and vulnerable.

This disease has put my entire life on hold.

I feel like I am at the edge of a cliff, looking down at my life, wondering what will happen next.

But then I remember: give yourself grace.

Keep fighting.

Keep surrounding yourself with people and things that make each day better.

Find joy in the small moments because the little moments are the big ones.

I am tired, but I keep fighting.

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Tessa Gray

Tessa Gray

Social in tech | Music junkie | Kindness always | Here to learn from others and maybe share a thought or two