Totally, I hear you — and it’s definitely not black and white.
The way I see it (and what seemed to be clear from the attitudes of those who have experienced love — lasting or not), is that it’s not about ‘me and them’. I will never be able to control how anyone else is or feels towards me. But I can control how I play my part in all my relationships. By getting really good at those 4 things (understanding what matters to me, practicing gratitude, fearlessly communicating my vulnerabilities and being open and willing to change) I, myself am becoming more open to love.
A lot of this has to do with our own sense of worthiness “Am I worthy of your love?”, “Am I worthy to receive love?”. It’s on us to believe in ourselves that yes we are always worthy. We might not know whether it will work out with someone but we don’t have to. We jump in anyway, because if we don’t we’ll never know. And if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t change the fact that we are still worthy.