To my “father”…

It’s been almost 3 years. Almost 3 years since you hit me, told me I wasn't good enough, since you touched me. When i was living with you it felt never ending…like i was stuck in a horror movie I couldn't get out of. I remember feeling lost in myself feeling disgusted that I even existed. I felt like no one would ever love me because I was touched where only your soulmate is supposed to touch you. You made me feel unwanted, unworthy and inhuman. I know I am not the first female sexually abused by her father, but i felt so alone. It was like I couldn't talk to anyone, even just to hold a conversation. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell anyone but you threatened me with things I just wasn’t okay with parting with; my brother, my freedom. The saddest part is I thought it was my fault I thought I somehow deserved it, but the truth is I didn’t. No one does. It’s hard… people have the nerve to say I lied about being abused because it took me years to tell a soul. It used to bug me when people would call me a liar now I just giggle to myself because you fled the state. You disappeared, not me. Now that my court date to put you away for good is coming up, I have to let all those bad memories come back. The ones I’ve spent almost 3 years trying to overcome, to work through and to accept that yeah i have a bad past but I can get through it. I just hope that if you’re reading this and you are being abused in any way you tell someone it’s a harder battle when you do it alone.