Chapter 38
Singing to God, just sealed the deal for me. I would play the track really loud if I were all by myself in the house and it would envelope me with a warm embrace. I felt closest to Him when I sang. It is a humbling experience because it takes your mind off yourself and gives only God praise. And with music, it involves your entire brain so you can’t think of anything else in that moment.
Over the course of my life, I realized that whenever I sang out of the pure sincerity of my heart to God, good things happened — to me. It wasn’t a out of this world Disney land experience or fire works shot into space. It was more of an introverted blooming of simple things like, peacefulness, joy, faith and humility. I’d grow in those things as I sang. Perhaps God made me with that special connection of music that I could throw out my fishing line of notes to catch wonderful blessings he had in store. It was our special relationship.
When I’d sing lines like:
Father, I stretch my hands to thee, no other help I know!
It would be the truth. I believe everything I sing and I wouldn’t sing it if I didn’t. It just wouldn’t be real, because I know that God is real. The stretching of the hands would be just like an action of a small child, stretching upward to his father to pick him up and hold him. That’s what I would mean when I sang that song. I heard a wise man once say, “If you live long enough, and this is true, the lyrics of the hymns and songs you sing will catch up with you.”
He is very wise, because more and more I search for songs that match the way I feel. I looked through lists and played a lot of singing just to find the ones for me. I couldn’t do song requests unless I too have had that same connection with the song that the singer has. I believed in a genuine art of expression when it came to singing. It’s what God gave me so I could share it with others. I wanted to teach that to a younger generation so that they can learn more quickly than I did what to do with music. So In 2010, I became a vocal instructor. Everything I’ve ever done in my life, wasn’t about me, it was all about how God could do the impossible this time. If I were to pick a song — one song — to describe my whole life, it would be Andre Crouche’s ‘Through it all’. You’d think that God would remove things and heal you completely and restore you — but He doesn’t work that way. He only does it if it’s for your good. My good came through my bad. It is through He had to take me, not over or under, but through. I had to go through failure to be grateful for success. I had to go through trials to be grateful for sunny days. I drown in despair to praise God and learn contentment. I had walk through valleys to appreciate the cool breeze on the mountain top. I had to write my story for others who feel they are the only ones going through it. I assure you, you are not. God will not only take you through, but through it ALL.
