Chapter 42

My story is incomplete and it just might stay that way until God returns for His world. Right now I live on faith. I have talents but no income. Food, but no money. Shelter, but no job. I say God is taking care of me.

I believe I have to make certain things clear in this chapter that I probably did not before. People often ask me when am I ending my break from school and when will return. They believe that its because I have no money or ran out of money why I can’t go back to school and because I have no job why I have no money to go back to school. It is a half truth. Yes, it is true because I never could get a job that had a good enough salary why I couldn’t pay for many classes at once. Yet what’s an even bigger reasons is that I really did not have the brain for college. I couldn’t really retain information from the core courses that I needed to move forward with any of the majors that I chose. I was told I can’t full matriculate because of my horrible GPA score of 1 point something after destroying my GPA during my tenure in Puerto Rico. Not matriculate? That means I had no choice but to be a part-time student and do classes over that I had failed in the first place. No matter what major I chose, I’d still have to come face to face with them. It wasn’t a matter of pushing through or even balancing the stress of working nights and going to school and losing my health little by little. It was the fact that I was no good at school. How could that be? It seemed impossible to swallow for my parents and our aquaintances and past teachers because I had done well in elementary and highschool right? Barely. I had done well in subjects that loved me and I loved them right back. English — I loved writing and the aesthetics of the subject was never a bore, but always an adventure. Biology — I got to truly visualize the miracle of my walking skeletal and cellular system and understood the parts that made up the whole puzzle. History — My past and where I came from defined the structure of my future and what was around me at the time. I really put the dates and events together seamlessly in my head and kept them there till I even got a certificate and an A for it. Health — The wonder of that class was repetition. All I had to do was write down every note that the teacher dictated and memorize it and I won! Computer — Fascinating from start to finish. If you didn’t study, you failed because everything was important. Bible — This school offered more in depth study of what I was already learning from home. It wasn’t far fetched for me to memorize a text or a line and put the verses in its proper place then give me all the space I needed to interpret the meaning in writing.

College Prep — A few simple arithmetic or algebraic formulas? This was what I’d be doing in college? Okay. What a piece of cake! Only in Math and Chemistry and Business and Accounting Classes I’d sweat. I just couldn’t get it and if I did, it would be after I bled all over the floor from scratching my head deeply with my nails. Yet, I made it down the aisle, across the finish line of graduation. Even though I was no longer on the honor roll, had no special awards to honor my intellect, I felt hopeful. I hoped things would turn around for me when I entered college. I couldn’t take a year off like my mother had suggested — I would forget everything I ever learned — then college would be like listening to Albert Einstein explain algorithms and why E=m squared. It’d be torture, I thought. Little did I know it would still be, either way.

I did in 2013, set up a go fund me page throwing myself out into the unknown asking for people to help me with my student loans. Only to get the response that I shouldn’t tell everyone my business and that some of them too have loans and what made me so special? So I knew then that I could never get help from mankind whether I returned to school or not. I had to live out all the pain on my own.