What I need from the men I love.
Your Fat Friend

One size does not fit all

There really seems to be no place for men in the universe you’ve described other than as purps or enablers. Men and women ARE often different, but there are vastly greater differences WITHIN those two massive groupings. There’s no way that the advice that you’ve given to men on how they should respond to sexual harassment and rape can be followed by anyone retaining the independent thought process which makes us human.

I was sexually violated by a teenage boy cousin when I was child. As a man I was violated by a female friend while sleeping on her sofa. I gave up the small entertainment business I loved and founded with friends when it became clear that we’d have to become pimps and/or whores to make the next steps forward.

I’m not going to process this “recently discovered” epidemic the way you prescribe or the way any other man or woman suggests I do. I’ve reported every instance of even borderline sexual misconduct I’ve observed in my career. I’ve separated from friends and teammates who’ve made statements disrespecting women. I’ve committed a couple acts of violence myself against men who’ve threatened women in my life.

I’m not a “good guy” nor am I trying to be. I’ve sought in my life to be a man who actively loves and respects women. I’m certain I’ve fallen short at times, but my life experiences have never allowed me to turn a blind eye to an obvious problem or pose accusatory questions toward women (or men) who’ve been victimized.

Women are rightfully leading the charge in this great opportunity to reset our expectations around mutual respect. However, one person cannot tell an entire sex how to think or feel. The change we all need demands that men and some women alter their own behavior because they understand it’s the right thing to do-not because someone gave them a recipe how to act or because it’s the trending topic. We need need change that lasts beyond the current news cycle. That comes at an individual level — not in mass generalities.