Being single is not a victim status

At the time of writing, yesterday was Valentine’s Day and today, Single’s Awareness Day is trending on Twitter. As usual, the former divides people but the latter is showing bafflement with a number of people.

A tweet from ACLU drew criticism and ridicule from a number of commentators whilst the #SinglesAwarenessDay hashtag and various YouTube videos are drawing further criticism and ridicule.

One thing I have noted from both people contributing to discussions and the opposition it is gathering is how there are individuals who define their single status as a victim status. Being single is not a victim status, it is merely a status. As a single person, you are not being abused, harassed or oppressed by another group of people who are in relationships. Criticism and scrutiny of the reasons why you are single is merely that and nothing beyond that. There are reasons why singles, particularly men and those who have been single for a long time, get criticised, but I’ll go into that later.

As if the concept of announcing that you are single is somehow going to result in someone miraculously appearing out of nowhere and saving you from the tragedy of bachelorhood or spinsterhood and deliver them to the sanctuary and elevated status of being in a relationship.

If you are not happy with yourself, you’re are not going to make someone else happy. If you feel that you need a relationship, then you are doing life wrong. Projecting your unhappiness with your current life situation only turns other people away and allows them to judge others in the same light. And now that a number of people are using social networks to project their unhappiness in the public eye, its causing resentment and poisoning of the terms single, bachelorhood and spinsterhood. To the point where people will no longer want to associate themselves with being single. Worse still, pushing people who are not relationship material or in a position to be in a relationship into one, causing two people to be unhappy — because the alternative is tainted and socially unacceptable.

Whilst being single is the default position in life, it is not the norm for middle-aged and older adults. There is partially a biological reason why single people, particularly men and those who have been single for a long time, are criticised, ridiculed and sex-shamed — not that I condone such behaviour. Humans have a natural evolutionary instinct to pair-up, procreate and bond — having two parents in a child’s life is considered the best set-up for creating a healthy, well-adjusted child. Virtually everyone seeks a relationship, the concept of opting-out is abnormal. Not abnormal as in inferior to other people, but an outlier. For those who have been single for a long time, it can be seen as a red-flag, someone who is unattractive in the eyes of many and raises negative curiosity in other people.

If you are single and happy, you don’t have the need to broadcast this to the public. If you aren’t, then you and you alone need to improve yourself to the point where you are content and happy. No being in a relationship or virtue-signalling on public forums is going to fix this, it has to come from you and be done by you.

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