Working from home, being sick, and Self-care

Feel sorry for me…

Being “out and about” is something I’ve always leaned into. Being amongst the living. Going “onsite”. Being the one to make people laugh, to “brighten their day”. To be memorable and the center of attention.

I’ve been sick with pneumonia for the last week, and this has confined me to my house — pretty much… and has isolated me from alot of physical human interaction. I’m very fortunate that my job affords me the ability to work from home. The quarantine has been a lesson in just how I can distract myself with social check ins, boys, food, anything but me being in my house, by myself, working — from 8–5. You know… Like normal people that work from home do.

I’m no where near the center of anyone’s attention right now… except my own…not realizing just how little attention I give myself. This uneasy feeling of living with myself from 8AM to 10APM has manifested into anxiety, mini panic attacks, a desire to “escape”, anger toward others who are able to live their lives freely… big ugly monster stuff.

And then it all comes back to… if I can’t give myself this level of care and attention while I’m sick… then how the heck am I to give meaningful care and attention to someone else? And the answer is — I can’t.

Thank goodness I have therapy today!

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