How to Cope in A Lonely World

Life changes. Maybe you take that job in a new city, or you finally move to that country you’ve always dreamed of. Maybe you lose your spouse. At one time or another in your adult life you will have to cope with loneliness. Here’s what I’ve found to be some of the best routes.

Change your ideas on how to obtain community Most people don’t build community in their lifetime. They grow up in the same school system for 12 years. And the only time they branch off is when they go to college, where everyone else is as terrified as they are and they quickly become friends with whomever they are geographically close to, in dorm or class. They then stay friends with that culmination of people until they die. Which isn’t actually community, so much as symbiotic closeness. Which means a lot of people don’t really know how to make friends. So many people, upon entering a new environment tend to act like they’re waiting to get picked in a gym class. They stand back and wait for someone to pick them. Which sucks because people are busy and tend to get stuck in their own world and don’t realize that you’re waiting on them to pick you. This is a lose-lose situation because you end up feeling like shit because no one is “picking” you and people don’t get to have you as a friend. How do you fix this?

Step out.

Find someone you think you would get along with and say hi! I know it’s scary but what do you have to lose? Ask them about their interests, their passions, and their dreams. People like others taking an interest in them. And to reciprocate they’ll probably ask you about your interests, passions, and dreams. You’ll soon get to see what the two of you have in common, be it a sense of humor or a hobby. Then ask for their number and or go grab a cup of coffee with them. People like being invested in, and investing in those that invest in them. It’s a start!

It won’t be easy. Everyone is different and 'finding your people' can be challenging. Look for them, check for clubs and meetups. Hell you can just go say hi to the person in a shirt that you like and she may be your person. Life is full of fun coincidences.

In this time, don’t be afraid to lean on and nourish your previous friendships. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t be close. Some of my best friends live half a country away. My only caution would be to be aware of your relational investments. If your spending all your time focussing on what is far away, you’ll never spend time on what potential relationships are near which could make you feel even worse about your situation.

Keep up your spirits!!! Being in a lonely state can be challenging so do the things that make you happy, be that hugging kittens or hiking mountains. If you keep stepping out, you may find someone who likes hugging kittens too…

One can only hope.