Hello? HELLO? There are real-life people in front of you.
Whereupon I yell at clouds about people being increasingly self-absorbed and selfish in public spaces.
My friend and I were FirstWorldChatting about farmers’ markets and the like, when a stranger suddenly waded into the communal hot tub and loudly proclaimed, “NO! That’s just whacked!”
Whoa. I mean, okay, maybe he’s just very opinionated about his organic produce. Weird, but hey, whatever.
Turns out, no, he’s just yet another clueless twit who either doesn’t understand the concept of public space or, perhaps more likely, simply doesn’t give a fig. To clarify, he had joined us in the hot tub while in the middle of a heated discussion with someone on his cell phone. Who does that?!
I was recently waiting at an airport gate along with many other folks, all clearly tired and eager to get to our destinations. Before long, some guy plopped down his posterior and played really loud (also: very crappy) music on his iThing. Yes, without headphones. Who does that?!
Well, seemingly, more and more people nowadays.
People missing green lights (or, worse, red lights) because they’re playing Klash of the Klan Krush. Pedestrians getting nearly run over by cyclists or fast walkers because whatever they’re e-skimming is more important than respecting the world around them (or their own safety). Narcissists sending clear “you’re less important than my Twitbook updates” signals to dining companions.
HELLO!? There are people in front of you. Cars in back of you. People trying to relax or get somewhere or perhaps just wanting to feel something other than invisible.
Your phone call — unless it’s with your soon-to-be-in-labor wife — can probably wait until another time or place. Your obsessive i-posting and e-checking (let’s be honest, mine, too), can also almost certainly wait.
Am I being judgmental? Absolutely.
And you know what? We all judge. That’s how we evaluate right from wrong, how we evolve as a species. And how we choose friends, employers, employees, partners, merchants, etc. And I’m here to say: I’m tired of dealing with folks that find it more important to interact with someone (or something) not physically there vs. people right in front of them.
This is not about shyness or introversion. Sometimes we all crave time alone… some of us more than others. I’m personally a social introvert, and I firmly believe people shouldn’t feel obligated to socially interact with others. As a white male, I also fully realize (and rue) that being social with strangers can be significantly less enjoyable and even more dangerous for those who don’t share my privilege; more bluntly, me initiating conversation won’t lead to someone telling me I have luscious mammary glands.
And yet… if you invite a group of us friends to dinner, I expect and hope you’ll spend more time engaging with us — whether listening or talking — than you’re spending Snapgramming the food and checking for Learts. And if you’re in a public space, it’s generally not okay to blast your music or your voice vs. respectfully engaging with others or keeping a quiet peace.
It could be that I’m getting old and cranky (okay, that’s true, but possibly orthogonal). Or it could be, perhaps, that people are just acting with less awareness of or caring about others nearby in meatspace.
And look, I’m not getting any younger. Or less judgmental. But I would like for people to be a bit more self-aware and respectful. Is that really too much to ask?
And speaking of asking…
- Do you agree that people are acting more selfishly and self-absorbedly in public spaces nowadays?
- And, if so, have you ever actually confronted someone in this context? (I haven’t)
Edited to add:
Shared with me by my smart, funny, and respectful buddy Baris Baser…
And more seriously, I’d like to especially highlight Byron Alley’s outstanding response… reminding us that — while we shouldn’t be primarily blaming technology — there are creative and interesting ways that we can improve tech to nudge us towards more socially-thoughtful behaviors.
Claudia Petrilli also raises good points about the blurring of aggressive, rugged individualism and selfishness.
