That Big Kid Ellen #43: Go whale-watching
It’s Pisces season (and therefore my birthday season!), and what’s a more Pisces thing to do than to get on a boat, sit in the middle of the ocean, and cry about the beauty and majesty of whales?
Nothing. The answer is nothing. 😂 🐋
Admittedly, I don’t know a ton about astrology, but I do know that whenever I read a description about the Pisces sign, I feel seen but also slightly attacked.
My favorite place to learn about astrological signs has been Co-Star Astrology. They are so good at pinpointing the nuances of each sign in clever and witty ways. I recently downloaded their app and have loved seeing my daily horoscopes and how my sign interacts with my husband’s sign (he’s a Gemini, but a very atypical one from what I can gather).
I want to do a bit of an “Ode to Pisces” to start off this post, so let’s begin with this list of Pisces’ traits that Co-Star published, all of which hit the nail on the head for me:
- Somehow both 5 and 50 years old at once ✔️
- Thinks everything is a sign ✔️
- Can’t remember if they dreamt it or it actually happened ✔️
- Excessively romantic ✔️
- Prone to fantasy ✔️
- No boundaries ✔️
I love the first one — I literally have a blog about how I want to be a kid again while at the same time using that blog to ponder my own existence. I love watching a particularly vibrant sunset and thinking that it’s my grandfather telling me that he loves me (it’s most likely pollution). I am constantly confusing dreams with real life, and on especially gnarly days I confuse daydreams with nighttime dreams with real life. (There’s just so much going on in my head!) And it is so difficult and sometimes painful for me to set boundaries with others and equally challenging to understand when people attempt to set boundaries with me. All so accurate, yet all slightly maddening.
The excessively romantic bit made me giggle — below is an excerpt from a college-era journal that I recently came across. Looks like textbook romantic-Pisces musings to me 😬
The list of “best careers” that Co-Star put together for Pisces might be the most pathetic yet truthful thing ever:
- Volunteer therapist (the fact that it explicitly says “volunteer” 😭)
- Curbside fortune teller
- Amateur poet
- Sad clown
- Orb of light
- Vapor (?)
Amateur poet doesn’t sound so far off 🤷♀
Getting back to whale-watching… Pisces is a water sign, and I find the connection to and metaphors about the ocean so fascinating because I have a pretty major fear of the ocean. I used to think this was odd for a Pisces baby, but then I found this description of the Pisces sign that points to the fact that we are one with the ocean, even in the scary ways.
Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the celestial body that governs creativity and dreams, and these ethereal fish adore exploring their boundless imaginations. In its more nefarious form, however, Neptune also oversees illusion and escapism. Neptunian energy is like the energy of the ocean: magical, mysterious, and often scary. When the fog is thick on the water, the horizon is obstructed and there is no differentiation between the sea and the sky.
<Magical, mysterious, and often scary>
It seems like as a Pisces, I’m basically doomed to emotional overload and existential dread. What fun. /s
Now, whale-watching is not really what would come to mind as a “typical favorite kid activity,” but for little Pisces Ellen, it was one of the most memorable outings from my childhood. I went whale-watching during a trip to Oregon and Washington when I was 10, and I remember straining my eyes to find a fin break through the surface while at the same time feeling overwhelmed by the concept of “being alive.” Oof.
(Less serious side note: This trip was also memorable because my sister and I watched the Spice Girls movie no fewer than 5 times on the little TV in our vacation rental. What a time to be alive.)
My family was visiting my uncle (mom’s brother), aunt, and cousin in their home in Seattle, and we all hopped on a boat out of Port Townsend, Washington, in hopes of seeing orcas. (Fun fact: If you Google “Port Townsend” one of the first auto-created questions is “Why does Port Townsend stink?” A little unfortunate for their tourism industry if I had to guess, but I honestly don’t remember it smelling that bad.)
We all got aboard a small boat named “Red Head” and found some seats on the inside benches. I’m almost positive someone in our group had a set of binoculars. I’m also pretty positive that we were the only group with any kids on the boat.
Now, I really don’t remember what exactly happened on this excursion if I’m being truthful. But I do remember the emotions: the overwhelming sense of insignificance that being in the middle of the ocean gave me, as well as the pulse of magic that I felt in my blood cells when I first saw a whale take a steamy breath through its blowhole.
I didn’t capture much on my little yellow disposable camera that day, but I do remember a moment where one of the whales that we had been tracking surfaced a few feet from the edge of our boat. It was otherworldly and caught me in the chest with a tight feeling of surprise and panic. The enormity of these creatures made me question my life and fear for my life all at the same time.
As adult Ellen, my whale-watching tour started from Monterey, California, and it so happened to be Valentine’s Day.
(Yes, I purposefully scheduled a whale-watching tour for my husband and I on Valentine’s Day because what is more romantic that better understanding your place on this planet than being in the middle of the ocean watching animals 100 times bigger and more majestic than humans? Read: I’m a Pisces.)
Fisherman’s Wharf was just waking up as we made our way to the dock, but the businesses had decorated for the day with flags and window decals. It felt like a celebration of joy and life and love, and I was there for it.
I had chosen a tour company that employed biologists on staff so that the trip would be a bit educational for us. While we waited for our departure time, the resident biologist began telling us about humpback and grey whales — the types of whales we’d most likely be seeing at that time of year. Most of the humpback whales in the area were headed south to Baja California, but he mentioned that we might start to see some northward-bound whales as well.
It was a pretty cold day, not getting about 60 degrees the entire time we were out on the water (4 hours total), so I was thankful that we packed extra pants and layers and had bought a blanket to sit on right before leaving when we hit the open water. The wind and sea spray left us cold, but as an “excessively romantic” Pisces, I didn’t mind that much— it just meant more cuddles and hugs to keep me warm.
The (female!) captain took us straight out towards open water for about an hour before another boat in the area signaled a sighting not far from where we were. We made a hard turn to meet the other boat, and soon we found ourselves face-to-face with a young female humpback’s enthusiastically breaching the top of the water.
Everyone on the boat immediately started oohing and ahhing and making the boat lean precariously to one side under all of the shifting weight. We started to circle her, and right away she put on a show for us. For about 2 straight minutes, she slapped her tale on the top of the water, communicating something to her probably-not-so-far-away pod members. The sound she made was singular.
She breached every so often to show us her whole body. She waved her fin at us to let us know that she knew that we were watching her. She even stuck her head up out of the water to spy on us for a moment. She stole my heart on Valentine’s Day, and it took everything in me not to cry from her beauty and save myself from the added chill of tears on my cheeks.
She started to calm down after 30 minutes or so, and our captain decided to head out in search of different activity. It wasn’t quite as cold as we were searching since we were at a slower speed, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the horizon. White caps were beginning to form form the wind that had blown in, and they tricked my eyes into thinking that it was another whale letting out an enormous breath.
We finally saw one more whale, a gray whale, but it was on its way down to dive for food so we only saw it surface twice for breath. It was a pretty uneventful trip back to shore, other than seeing a ton of sea otter buddies and some seals and sea lions back close to the wharf.
The tour left me with an overpowering sense of belonging and love, which was a bit unexpected. I had thought I would have another existential crisis like I had when I was a kid, but instead I felt extremely close to my husband and connected to nature in a totally new and beautiful way.
The sense of awe and wonder was the same as when I was a kid, but in my adult experience with whales, I felt more at peace with my life. Being witness to real life magic somehow made me question things less as I surrendered to the beauty and significance of nature and its creatures. Even as I write these words, I’m realizing how much of a Pisces I truly am. And how much I’m okay with that. Feeling emotions deeply makes us human, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
