Partial blindness: How It made me discover my inner self.
Growing up, glasses have always signified imperfection, the social-awkward nerd, ugliness especially in movies.
The perfect makeover for us was simply taking the glasses off which sadly didn't work out for me.
Anytime I bring myself to stare at my bare face in the mirror, I only see what could be improved, only if my eyes were curved like this, only if my lips parting was more linear, only if my nose was just an inch bigger, only if my lashes were thicker, only if this, only if that.
The rare times I allowed people to look at my face, the disappointment on some of their faces gave me more motivation to stick my glasses on my face.
After years of dreading the day my eyesight would improve, I took a bold step after a prayer of faith was made on my behalf.
I wanted people to see the real me, I wanted my face to grow on me and others, I wanted to know that I am beautiful.
The first few weeks were rough, but while I focused on the opinions of people about my face, I realized that life ran smoothly, not because of my face card but because for the very first time, I lived for myself.
First, I discovered that glasses were a mask for me. I changed into cat eye glasses when I wanted to feel pretty. Huge circle or geometry glasses when I wanted people to see me as a nerd. Rectangular glasses, if I wanted to blend into the crowd. Aviator glasses, if I wanted people to see me as a vibe. Over-sized glasses, if I wanted people to see me as a weirdo. But putting off the glasses left me bare. I had to put out the real me in front of people. Conversations and human interaction felt awkward, rushed, and different. It just felt like an alien in a human body.
When I had my glasses on, I did what I will call "over greeting" which entails exchanging pleasantries whenever I meet anyone I know. I added random people to this list. Something as little as asking me for directions to a place has earned you a hug or handshake wherever we met, whether in the restroom or on the road. Anytime I see anyone, I remember how we met and the kind of person you are, to decide which is the perfect personality to switch to.
But due to blurry vision, I now walk past a lot of people and most of them don't even care to wave a hand. I don't meet people, I bump into them so there is little or no time for a personality change so they engage with the real me. The conversations now feel free, not forced, unfiltered, and fun. People who usually want to wave me off, talk to me now for hours and opt to walk me to my destination.
The blurry vision faded everyone's facial expressions in any situation. This made me discover my view points to daily occurrences without having to look at other people's face to draw conclusions or please them. Usually, I am that friend you run to whenever you have comparison issues with someone. You bring the photos or opinions, then from your face I already know which one to pick, even though the opinion is against me. This time around, most of them think twice or say the truth to themselves other than getting them to me. It is funny to see how people can switch up if you don't keep bowing down to them and the respect you stand to get, which leads me to another point.
I discovered the definition of friends. It was more about not all course mates or colleagues being your friends and that doesn't make them bad people. Which is why there are words like co-worker, client, classmates, age-mate, neighbor. This simple realization fueled my energy. This is where boundaries come in. At first it was scary. There were times I wanted to compromise, times I did compromise but little by little, my standards became solid. This equally meant I now had more time for myself and my goals.
Before this time, I always thought everyone cared and took notes of every single thing i did only to realize that no one was actually watching. Most of the people in my life are busy with things going on in their lives to take notes of other people and yes there were people who do poke nose into others business but because most of them used it to fill up their time or escape from reality, project their insecurities into someone or compare their lives to feel good.
I also realized that I was not what I felt I looked like. It was more like people were not used to seeing my face and not disappointed.
Plus beauty is also a perception, something as little as having self confidence and self compassion can change the way people see you. I say this because with my glasses, my head was always down, my shoulder was always tensed, I was conscious about my clothes, my face was always gloomy, but with these lessons I have never felt so much beauty aura radiating around me.
Now, in the world of blurry images, all I can see is me, what I can feel are my thoughts. I am my life script writer, in control of whatever happens and even when the movie director decides to add or subtract events, people or memories, I still choose if it should make or break me, at the end of the day it’s still my story. The question I want you to ponder on is: Are you your life script writer?
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