Lesser Drugs

when I was a kid
uncle Casey made me laugh so hard
I’d cry
one time we were laughing
I couldn’t breathe
another time in the truck 
Grandpa got mad:
“Dammit you two, I’m driving”
(but soon he was laughing, too)

Casey
showed me a path
to a treasure of humor
and joys hidden all around
and happiness I didn’t know
at that age
was possible

he was married with 2 kids
(both younger than me)
one night he got high 
I think it was cocaine
hung himself 
I was still a boy

I didn’t understand
(I still don’t)
there’s no way cocaine
could feel like we felt
when we were laughing
side-by-side
in the front seat of grandpa’s truck

there’s no drug like us
together

if I could go back 
I’d demand
answers
and
I wouldn’t even laugh
until I was
satisfied