Romance in marriage
Yesterday we celebrate valentine’s day. A celebration of love they say, but for me it was a special day.
We just had a fight, me and my wife, a conflict from 3 weeks ago, which left me hopeless in a happy marriage. Things like expectations in bedroom, a slight raise in tone, inappropriate words, in laws, differences in how to discipline our boy, financial things, do’s and don’ts.
We had an argument, I refused to listen, I refused to understand, and it hurts her. I wanted so bad to win the argument, that she is wrong, and I’m right. But it doesn’t happen, no apology, only silent tears and separated bedrooms.
So we ask for help, and have a dinner with a couple. And I talked, I want to be understood, I want it so bad, I’m tired, I need to be supported, I want to be praised, I hate it when she corrects me for small things, I feel like I never did anything right. I told them all, I told them I don’t feel any urge, I’m tired, I don’t want to be perfect, I want nothing, just leave me alone, and respect me as a human being.
And then her turn, and I (have to) listen. I (have to) understand. While she is talking, the other couple translates what she says, for example: “Why can’t you do this?” : she is saying, “I’m afraid, I want you to help, to care”. “Money don’t fall from the sky” : she is saying, “I feel alone in managing finances, please help me”.
Then they asked, “what do you really wants?”, she just cried and say, “I just want more time with my husband.”
I’m glad we ask for help. I’m glad we finally reconcile, and spend the night wondering why did we fight in the first place. We kissed, and I made her cried happy tears.
I made her a valentine present,
3 vouchers, each meant that whenever she used them, I will stop whatever I’m doing, and attend her. Whether I’m working, or sleeping, I will stop and go to her, and be with her.
That’s marriage. At least for me it is.
(the photo above is about husbands after getting kissed by their wife. Guess which is me)