Question of the Day: Did You Move for a Relationship?
Nicole Dieker
436

  1. Yes, I moved to my current city to be with my then-boyfriend, now-ex-husband.
  2. I’m a woman.
  3. I dropped out of a toxic grad school to move, so I call that a yes since they were paying me. That was a thing I basically wanted/needed to do anyway and this was just a convenient place to land. Though it’s more complicated — I’d landed myself in that kind of grad school at all because of the very same ex I moved to be with (he pushed and pushed me to apply right away to PhD programs after college, even though I knew in my heart of hearts I wanted to go to a master’s program, and maybe work for a while even before that).
  4. I paid all the costs of moving. And of everything else.
  5. Moving to be with this person under these conditions was the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done in my life. I actually had JUST bought and fixed up a house back up where I was attending school that I had to work from afar to sell, losing a bunch of money. I didn’t have a job lined up at all in my new city. I didn’t make a PLAN to move so much as deliberately miss my flight back when visiting and fly up later to move my stuff out of my house and drive my car down (I “moved to Florida” by making the decision not to go back to New York while grocery shopping on vacation in Florida). And even as I was moving I thought “I bet we’ll be broken up in three weeks, and that’s fine, because this isn’t a great relationship.” (Instead, we were engaged in three months and in the process of divorcing in three years. Go figure.) BUT I have come to love this place, and moving here opened up the entire life I have now, with a fabulous and supportive second spouse, a great job, and that master’s degree I knew I wanted. So I am still happy I made the move, ultimately. I was going to do SOMEthing semi-self-destructive and irresponsible because I was in an untenable situation, and I landed basically on my feet here and later built something great, so I’m glad I did it.
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