3 Ways to be Insufferable on Instagram

Some photos have ruined our lives.

1) Complaining how Instagram is ruined

“3 ways to be insufferable on Instagram” is a clickbait title that lures unsatisfied Instagram users in. A quick reminder: if you don’t like how a particular person post on Instagram, you can always unfollow them. People can take and post pictures of what makes them happy/special, and no one has the right to take that away from them. You may say, “Shirley, you don’t understand, I can’t unfollow my relatives, or this special friend that I can’t afford to lose.” That’s the time when you can pull out this quote for them:

“I recently read an article about social media and I believe that each of them serves different functions: Facebook is for my social network, the people I know; whereas Instagram is where I get a glimpse of people’s interesting lives, or to look at high-quality photos of the most beautiful places, or plates on Earth. Instagram is there to keep me intrigued about the beautiful thing which is life itself.”

This quote is simply made up by myself in 5 minutes, and should be long enough to stop your relatives and friends who don’t care about you from asking further questions. The real reason why you can still be friends with them on Facebook is that Facebook allows you to unfollow them while remaining Facebook friends with them. Facebook understands us.

2) Posting photos with tongues

Photos of couples are cool, especially if the couple are your friends and they are having fun travelling or celebrating in the photo. But a particular photo has ruined my entire life. The photo has my friend and her boyfriend in it. In the photo, they were getting ready for their good food in a restaurant, and THEY STUCK OUT THEIR TONGUES, FULL-LENGTH, FACING THE CAMERA. It is crystal clear that Instagram should have policies on tongues rather than female nipples. Why are tongues disgusting and confusing? Here’s why:

  • A smile spread happiness, a good kiss symbolises love. Do you know what the tongue face emoji (😛) is for? It is funny because IT IS FOR LAUGHING OFF MISTAKES. It is the worst expression for Instagram, because it meant nothing wholesome or cute. A face with tongue stuck out only works if you have a professional photographer with you, and you happen to be Ed Sheeran:

And this is not even posted on Instagram. And this is not even the best photo of Ed. And the longer you stare at it, the more disgusting it gets. Actually, forget what I just said. It doesn’t work, and it never will.

  • The tongue is one of the most dirty places on our body. Remember the “eyeball licking craze”? Not only does it sound disgusting, the “craze” also caused a surge of eye infections because there are an unimaginable amount of gems on the tongue. So stop sticking it out to have it be in contact with even more gems in the air. The tongue is going to be in contact with all the food you eat for god’s sake.

3) The third point actually does not exist.

I just say three points because people seems to think that three points are a lot. This just proves that it is actually very hard to insufferable on Instagram, because there are only two ways. So, erm, thank you for listening to me ranting about Instagram and tongues.

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