after some long months of wanting him to return, my mind has become numb and i no longer wish to have any type of relationship with him. whether that is a friendship or something more, missing someone and desperately wanting someone in your life are two completely different things and i have now come to the realization of this fact.
the late night “study” sessions, the memories, the inside jokes, and the spontaneous conversations in the library during the early mornings have now become never speaking, never making eye contact and you, horrifically despising me.
i will never despise you, despite never giving a true explanation of why you left. i have learned more about myself and how i i wish to move through my life. i wish to move with constant love, kindness, and always explaining myself to others. never leaving anyone in the dark wondering if it was ever their fault and their actions that led me to my decisions.
so there you have it.
i miss you.
i miss the old you, the memories, and the amazing months i spent with you.
i don’t want you back. i want you to be a decent human being again.