Remember having a sex life?
Let’s talk about having sex (or not having sex, am I right?) while also living with your chronic condition. Personally speaking, the last couple of years of my sex life have been one continuous trial and error situation. I am in a long term relationship. I’m not new to sex. I’m new to sex with chronic pain.
The time, positions, when either of us are full of energy, when I am not in pain and can let go of all that to be fully present with him…. all these things realistically line up like, say, a lunar eclipse.
If you would allow me to quote NASA on the subject…
“A lunar eclipse usually lasts for a few hours. At least two partial lunar eclipses happen every year, but total lunar eclipses are rare. It is safe to look at a lunar eclipse.”
So how do you still have a sex life? I have no idea. But here are a few things I’ve learned trying.
Time of Day — Night time? Nights are when I ache the most, so usually not. Day time? on the weekends we can usually swing that, if there is nothing else happening or i’m not hurting.
Positions — That depends on your condition. Mine is my right ankle and knee, so … doggy style is out of the question. Oh and no position that my partner could accidentally bump anywhere on that right leg, so… pretty much no other positions either. Definitely not me on top. Needless to say through process of elimination have found a couple positions that work. Imagine using that rare lunar eclipse only to try something new and then finding out that oops, no, that position hurts my leg, oops, no, not that one, and then by the end of it you are far too sore to continue on.
That’s the process… a little disheartening.
Scheduling Time for Sex — is a gamble. like planning for anything else, you could have a flair up.
Advice? — just keep trying whenever you and your partner feel up for it at the same time. In that case it is better to start and stop then to never start.
Now go… go and enjoy those rare lunar eclipses!