I remember writing the original post, in what feels like such a long time ago. In my mind now, we were just kids then.
As I wrote it, I was lighting a signal fire, to you and anybody willing to listen to me, of what I found so beautiful in you. I needed the entire fucking world to grasp how I felt inside. I needed you to know. I would not be contained; let the chips fall where they may, but I would not be contained.
Typing away on a park bench at the Marriott in San Diego, in a week I attended a conference for work, the feelings of what you meant to me spilled out from inside of me as if I kicked over a bucket of paint. The color would have read “Red Passion,” and it was flowing out of me with no regard for what it looked like. In hindsight, I’m fortunate it didn’t sound stupid. What mattered to me was not the words I used, but that it was real.
I knew in the moments surrounding those days, I would no longer live my life in bondage, according to any rules but those led by my own inner voice.
What I found in you just a month prior was reshaping me as I wrote it, and this was my first attempt to find the words that matched my heart. What was happening was a once in lifetime offering from the gods; I’d be damned if I ignored their gift. Molding and fashioning me like clay, into the man of whom I always wanted to be.
I saw you so crystal clear that night, as I still do today.
These new emotions could not and would not be restrained. I was seeing things decidedly now. I was seeing life, and what I wanted out of it. I knew who I wanted to be, and somehow mixed all up in it was this new beacon of all things good.
A feminine and graceful brunette that makes me well-up with delight, even now as I type this. I still see you just the same way when I think of you. The newness is gone but the feeling of it isn’t.
I still see that same girl, but better now.
You intimidate me, yet I own you. I see a brain like an Ivy Leaguer and the backbone of a prizefighter; an alpha sub, in every sense of the word. A seeker of all things positive in life.
I see the heart and innocence of an untainted child, and no matter how many trials life brought your way that would have corrupted most, you still somehow preserved yourself enough to shine your goodness upon others.
I see this when I look at you and makes me sometimes wonder inside if the world was created for me and me alone. I wonder if everybody else in the world is just characters, cast in my own story.
I think, “How could I be the one so lucky to receive you? Statistically, the odds are too great. After all, she loves me, more than anyone she ever has. She feels the same way about me. Me! How did all this happen?”
So yes, My Precious Collared Sub…
I feel so fortunate to be your Daddy, your owner, your Master or whatever other words we feel like using for the day to express to one another the symbiotic bond that melts us into one.
To say “I Love You” is an understatement of epic proportions. I hope heaven if it exists, will give us a new word so that you could know in a few short phrases what you actually mean to me. That I could make you feel how you feel right now as you read this, by just saying something quickly, as I slap your butt when I open the car door for you. But for now, “I love you” will have to do.
I have to be honest; I could be the biggest, baddest, and most stoic Dom in the world, reminiscent of all things black. The stuff books are made of but real life is not. Even if I were him, it’s still hard to type these words out, without feeling tears of happiness fighting to escape me.
One moment after another, when I think of you, where my contact lenses seem like they lost their shelf life. But then I have to remind myself, that the reason I’m not able to read my phone as I type is not something physical, but because you opened your soul to me and placed it inside my hands.
For any time I ever I seemed as though I took your precious gift and was not clutching it with the care akin the way a new fiancee clutches her new ring, I am forever remorseful. I take pride in the lessons I learn and the “sea changes” that transform me, becoming a better man for you still.
Since the day when I wrote that originally, we have had a passionate love bless us. It is so powerful, that I am of the belief that even of the best loves that ever happened in the history of the world, very few others will ever get to feel what we know.
I wish the whole world got to know what it feels like to be seen like I feel when you see me. I wish they got to feel what it feels like, to see somebody, the way I see you.
To be truly understood, in the deepest ways a person can understand another.
Somehow I just know the world would be a better place.
As I wrote it back then, things were beginning to take shape. I was evolving into who I would become, through you, making me seek to look inward and grow as a man.
Just like then, nothing else really matters: “I don’t want it any other way. I’m just fucking glad I found you.”
I Love You, Kitten. I Love You so fucking much it shocks me. You are my best friend and my most carnal lusts. My place I go when I am weak; my place I go when I am strong.
I am your home and your safe haven, and being that for you fills me with the deepest sense of healthy pride I have ever known. The man you find peace kneeling for and the man you find safety falling into the arms of.
I Love You.