Snarky (but Correct) Guide on How to Care for Children

The no bullshit guide that you need(ed).

v1.135

I know there’s an unhealthy alliance between parents and the medical establishment regarding their guilty secrets of child-rearing, but this document isn’t going to try to hide ignorance under expertise, or guilt over best-hopes. In just a few pages, we’re going to demolish shelves full of parenting books.

Infant Body-Map: Develop your infant’s self-awareness. This is probably one of the most powerful suggestions in this document. It will give them major help with digestion, potty training, and communication. You must do it in one setting to be effective and before you’ve introduced cooked food. Stroke, gently, every surface of their body (fingers and toes, too) so that their mind can form an internal body-map. Do it when they’re calm and at the earliest stage in which you know they are strong (or you are aware) enough to handle the movements necessary to do so, but no earlier than the first moments they start to make movements on their own (could be on day one). (Just so there’s no confusion: don’t touch the sphincter — they need to know what’s NOT them, so their body can know where to eliminate.) You’ve taken it for granted, but they don’t have much knowledge of where they end and the world-at-large begins. This will help them enormously in establishing sensory-motor control and a healthy sense of self. It’s so powerful, you should only do it in combination with the dietary guidelines.

Crying: Reject “Dr.” Spock. Never let your child cry themselves to death. If you already have, then they’ve probably already gotten imprisoned by your system of power (fortunately you’re benevolent, but when they get to be teenagers they’ll feel betrayed). Let them feel secure and loved in your adult world are the first steps. Direct skin contact shouldn’t be underestimated. You’ve worn clothes most of your life, they haven’t. Mother’s milk or hemp milk is the next thing. Beyond that, let your intuition be your guide.

First moments: The individuality of your baby begins with the first breath. The doctor may slap the bottom of the child to initiate this process. Unlike any other time, slapping is normal and good to ensure s/he doesn’t asphyxiate. Your baby just came from the comfort and warmth of the womb to the temperature of your room, so the first order of business is to make sure it feels secure. The best way is to connect the infant to your own body heat, father or mother. Once the cord is cut, whoever comforts it first will get the deepest imprinting.

Carrying: Have the mindset of a gorilla. Get a sling to hold your baby, so you’ll have the peace of mind to get things done — not the complicated 5x wrap around, but the simple bag-type, over-the-head-and-one-shoulder sling. Soft, natural fibers should cocoon the baby securely. And it’s easy for breast-feeding. Being hands-free will help your stress-level enormously if you’re in the daily routine and keep your connection strong.

Clothing: soft, all-natural fibers only, organic if you can afford it. You can try those oo-so-soft synthetics, but they seem to carry trace residues of machine grease to me. Better wash them at least, but I’d avoid them completely. Some textiles can be extremely aggravating to their acutely sensitive skin which is why you should just swaddle them in natural fibers until they get strong enough to signal that their clothes are bothering them. Wool, by the way, should not be a problem. The discomfort of this natural fiber is caused by complex issues of belief systems and the relationship of humanity to their own Biblical storyline.

Sing together, yes. Dancing, yes. Playing games outside, yes. Sitting them alone on the living room floor in front of plastic toys with blinking lights and clicky things: no. Go out into nature, there are an endless number of exciting things there for children. Let them take off their shoes and splash in shallow streams. Listen for birds and try to find them in the trees. Chase after butterflys, hop and balance on old logs, skip stones, climb trees, or simply hike for some exercise.

Playing: If you’re going to join your children in play, trust them. Play imagination games, and inject your adult experience into their world. Stay watchful, as they won’t always know what is safe, but their heart needs the freedom of unconstrained play with the love of parents in approval rather than dominance.

Plaintiveness: Can’t have something they want? If you give children a reason, that actually has wisdom, they will appreciate it. You’ve made them feel worth your time. Brought your kids to an event made for adults and they’re being noisy? Kids, like animals, express with alarming purity the sum total of forces within the whole of society or planet. Your measely social norms probably include a little murder and genocide, so… don’t expect them to “keep still” and stay quiet. Often what you’re “needing” to do might be total bullshit that you just blindly habituated yourself to from parents and society.

Spanking? I know it can get stressful, but it’s because your priorities likely include “serving the dominant paradigm” (aka “sucking the * of the anti-christ) and theirs doesn’t. Slap yourself instead; try it. In any case, know that as soon as you’ve crossed this barrier, you’ve broken a line of trust that you won’t be able to get back for decades.

Religion: If they want to go, don’t lay your ideologies on them. Believe me, this world is confused. Maybe you’ll learn something from them.

Daily life: Keep your heart connection when they’re with you; don’t go off with your friends with your child right there at knee-level totally lost about who they are in the middle of your grown-up, chatty world while their main authority figures (you) zone out with your friends. Keeping your hand on them works or simple attentions. Watch your child’s body language to see how they’re adapting to the complexities of your world. How they respond will determine whether their introverted or extroverted. You probably shouldn’t even bring them into the crazy adult world until they’ve after they’ve acclimated slowly to the stress.

Potty training? Porcelain bowls filled with fresh water flushed down miles of poo tunnels to be dumped into rivers or fed back into your drinking water: bizarre to say the least; going outside, digging a hole, crush some leaves: simple, natural and gives back to the earth. Remind them that even the President poops. Meditate on that. (Cats are clearly smarter than humans.)

Chores: Children have no obligations to the adult world, however, since you are feeding and housing them, you can teach them that they should earn what they take from the world and seek to learn until they grow mature enough to take responsibility for themselves and be free.

Others: People want to cuddle your infant? Unless they actually are loving, consider them parasites and give them the pacifier.

Body Language: Infants can’t speak what’s wrong. If they’re tearing away at things, consider a sign of serious distress. Remove them from the lights, the chemicals, the noise. Take their clothes off, try cool water, warm milk, hold them next to your skin, set them down and fan them, coo them. You’ll have to experiment, but tune in to the signals and learn.

Getting dressed. Tell them it’s time to go through the daily ritual of facing the world with clothes: on. That clothes can keep you warm and protect you at the playground as well tell people what you are. Liberals: skip the gender-neutral theorizing, children are not your psychology experiment. Having clear gender identity is important—it will at minimum help adults who don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy (because it does matter to the child — who won’t understand the aloofness of reticent adults who are afraid to engage for fear of insult).

Children fighting each other: Didn’t make the revolution to make a better world, so now the revolt has moved into your house. Children fight each other to get power. But who took their power away? Perhaps someone took your power and now you’ve become the slave master. Never withhold healthy snacks or deny them an environment where they can be outside and exercise. But here’s what to do, instead of raising the bar of “who can fight and scream the loudest”, stay calm, you are going to officiate by being wiser. If you have control of the situation you can simply tell them to hold each other’s wrists (otherwise, some buckles), facing each other. Tell them they can wrestle all that they want, but whoever lets go, loses (no matter if they let go on purpose or from exhaustion). Better to referee and channel the chaotic energy than to push your own into the mix where they’ll let it out when you’re not looking or onto the walls and other subversive behavior. If you’re not in control of the situation, you have to ask yourself “why?”. This, while commonplace, is an unnatural and unhealthy situation. You can’t lead if you’re not in control, but yet if you don’t have your own power, you will only be a tyrant. For this, you can contact the author.

Pre-natal care: Never drink alcohol when pregnant — zero. What are you thinking? Do you care about kids? You shouldn’t take medications while pregnant either, but then you probably shouldn’t be taking medications anyway. See next section.

Sickness: Children’s bodies haven’t been corrupted by your lost civilization. Don’t assume their body reactions are their problem or that they’re sick — assume you have done something not in harmony with the perfection in which they were made: like fed them beef-steak or mozzarella sticks or turned them upside-down when they weren’t expecting it. For infants, you’ll have to determine whether you want to entrust illness determination by doctors because their bodies are going through enormous strain adapting to your world: body temperature is probably not a sufficient or even acceptable indicator of wellness. Keep in mind their stability in the world will be largely dependent on you. Feed children a raw-food diet (not raw honey though) until they acquire language and cognitive abilities because such mental abilities are the source of their adaptive immune system. (See section on diet.) In absence of that, the earth is one of the best grounding and stabilizing sources. Use herbal remedies first. Make sure they get fresh air and some exercise.

Calming vs. Stress: Child minds are very capable, but don’t stimulate them with randomness and chaos (baby shakers? …you lazy turd). Nature is one of the deepest stabilizers and best pacifiers there is. Try walking in the woods next time they go “crazy” on you instead of stuffing a pacifier into their mouth. Also they will feel your stress because your heart is connected with theirs. So if you’re busy with some conversation and not relaxed, they will be uneasy.

Sleeping arrangements: Keep infants close to you in their own crib, so they know that you’re at hand. If you are exceedingly aware when you sleep, and train yourself, they can sleep with you and be of mutual support (just like other animals do, remember); but, unless you are sensitive to the dangers of absentmindedness, they should probably have a separate crib. Obviously this is only good if you and your spouse don’t fight a lot, but then you probably should change your lifestyle so that you can have a supportive home.

Toddlers and Sleep. Don’t alienate children at night by normalizing them to being tucked into their own bed and in a separate bedroom while you and your mate disappear into your own. Ask your children if they’d like to sleep with you when they’re looking at you at bedtime and it feels right. You presumably wear pajamas and so do they. Perhaps you want to force them to be “individuals”, great, but you’re doing it in a way that is alienating when you close them off into their own room out of ritual and habit rather than their own will.

Teeth: Don’t buy the idea that children need to lose their “baby teeth”. This is a long-standing confusion that is a by-product of the battles from the Good, the Evil, and the Ignorant. It’s complicated to explain, but an absolute Truth: Your teeth can change size. This is a real issue that needs correction. If they’re having teething pains, touch their teeth with your clean hands or teach them to do so. Also, to keep teeth healthy, remove any obvious food stuck on the teeth (like in the valleys of molars) and teach them to habitually swish water between their teeth after eating anything until their teeth feel clean.

Medical Intervention: This is undoubtedly going to be one of the most controversial points in this document, but never allow your child to be punctured with needles or cut open by anyone. I’m speaking on this with the authority of a doctor. The outer body (i.e. the organ of the skin) forms the immune system for each individual`s ego. There are damn good reasons why your body resists being punctured and cut open. Doctors rely on an immense system of correlation and various causative theories for their system, but as soon as you’ve punctionered the dermis, you are beholden to its authority (and everything that has gone along with it) to maintain your child’s “self”. Science doesn’t determine health. Do you trust it with your child’s life? Also, any non-herbal medications should be shunned (but no raw honey). The Earth + Love + Creator + Attentiveness provides everything YOU need to stay healthy, same with your infant. Nothing against the good doctors, but it’s all systems of power. The medical establishment excels at setting broken bones and wound-dressing, but that’s it as it has never had a proper baseline of health upon which to compare.

School: Here’s where you’re going to have to sit your ass down and think about how you’re going to utilize a major part of the week and daylight for the next dozen years. Don’t assume the standard track is leading somewhere, but don’t neglect the fact that the child is going to have to be able to assimilate to the culture at some point. Consider making a community of homeschooling, administering standardized tests once a year to see if they’re on par with the norm. You’ll have to pay the testing authority to evaluate them, but it’s a small cost to make sure you’re not going too “far out” and starting a cult. Otherwise, be active in your community and school board so you can believe in your own school system. This is especially true the more you rely on Industrialization.

Learning: The most important: reading, writing, arithmetic, and nutrition. If they have these basic skills they have a strong foundation for everything else. Teach them the letters and their sounds, then words that are common for them. Pictures relating sentences to activities are good. Same with arithmetic. Tell stories so they can develop their imagination with the written text. For nutrition, see Diet section below.

Things in mouth: This is an interesting bit of knowledge. You may notice your child eating grass or flowers if you haven’t followed the raw diet guidelines below. If you’ve overused power against them (by taking things away), you might find them biting on mad-made things in their mouth.

Sugar: Since no one understands sugar, here’s a specific section. Sugar is not harmful to the body (minus issues with teeth) as long as you listen to your body’s signals of being overloaded. Unless you’ve made a very supportive environment, children probably can’t pay attention because their body has started with a confusion of signals sufficient only for basic tasks. You will have to purposely moderate any sugar if you don’t want to burn out their circuits.

Birthday parties: a time to contemplate with your child. If you’ve followed the above steps, they’ve felt like everyday is a special day. So perhaps you’re getting invited to someone else’s “bash”. Sit and talk with them what they think about the event and festivities. Was it dumb? Was it strange, alien? Philosophize. Teach your children that the world isn’t always right, that toys and clothes don’t make you important and perhaps they’ll be the ones who will fix what is wrong with the world.

Diet. This is one of the most critical areas to your infant and child’s well-being. It can easily go awry and you won’t ever correlate where things went wrong because you probably have an impacted body and a mind with decades of confusion and dysinformation, too. (For sure.)

First, never give your baby chlorinated water. Chlorine is probably the most powerful poison (anti-biotic) on the planet, it dissolves the membranes of living tissue rendering it incapable of keeping order anymore. It’s why nothing grows in it and it takes very little to be effective. Also, remember that their body is like a constant buoy at sea as you carry it around. Beyond trace minerals, the slightest impurity in their system makes for sea-sickness — they’ll get indigestion and their mind will wonder why you’re trying to kill them. And generally, pure water (not tap!) is good to intersperse while eating and will lubricate the digestive systems — just as you drink as you eat. Unlike milk, water doesn’t demand anything from them.

Now, it doesn’t matter if you got an all-vegan, yoga-chic architected yurt, the powers of the world-at-large will eventually dominate their cravings. You’re probably going to have to acclimate them to it at some time because you’ve been too lazy to form a revolution.

I’m going to tell you how it should go, given the best knowledge of the body and the emotional self available on the planet, but the timescales have not been tested in the real world, so let me know how your experiences go, so that this document can converge correctly with the different developmental stages of childhood.

Mother’s milk can be interspersed between everything I’m about to say. But it’s not a good sole diet source, unless you’re enlightened, have been living in the forest, and on a raw food diet. In truth, vanilla, (lightly) sweetened, hemp milk is the best “infant formula” made thus far. Manufactured sources are probably better than homemade because there’s no crude matter.

You’re looking to accomplish several things in feeding:

• Give them a wide-ranging repertoire of gustatory input, so that their body can learn what is available. In addition, correlating these taste/scents with names and colors so that their mind can make associations between their body and their world. This will help you enormously for the future. So,
• * Use glass bottles so they can see what they’re eating, or
• * Prepare their food in front of them.
• Provide positive life-force via living foods. Nearly all cooked and pasteurized foods provide nothing but dependency on your paradigms (squashes are one known exception), otherwise it’s your (and the collective) soul doing the work of digesting cooked foods which is why you shouldn’t even think of transitioning them over to it until after language and cognition is established.
• Satisfy each “vibrational” level of body need. Rather than simple “fat, protein, and carbohydrates” categories, you want slow-to-fast, heavy-to-light, across the full spectrum. Just like the rainbow, you want all the colors.
• * At the low end: fats. These form the foundation. The best sources are mother’s milk, hemp milk (GLAs!), and (to a lesser extent) coconut water. Later: soaked (raw) sunflower seeds mash, almond (and such) butters, flax-seed meal mixed into your raw almond butter. There are many good raw-food recipes involving soaked nuts which can be mashed for an excellent meal. Garlic and herbs are just fine — if you’re body loves the taste, theirs will too.
• * In the middle: building blocks, you’re looking for high-assimilation amino acids like from vegetable juices (kale, purple cabbage, spinach, turmeric, …healthy stuff). Triple filter it, so there’s no solid matter (pour it over the same spot) in the first phases.
• * At the high end, energy; i.e. sugar. Sweetened vanilla hemp milk and orange (not too tart) juice should be your basis. Add other fruit juices in-between, never (or possibly flash) pasteurized, and no pulp.
• Avoid hurting them (of course). This would seem obvious, but since you’re probably not eating the same thing they are, you should taste or smell things you give them so you know the food isn’t spoiled or rancid (oils, like in nuts, are especially important to identify since they show no visible signs of spoilage). Also, acidic foods shouldn’t be put in plastic containers.

These items form a powerful base of nutrition and energy and they might start to glow (seriously). When introducing a new food, start with giving them small doses, unless they ask for more. As long as it’s healthy (like the above), it doesn’t matter how much they want. Yes you can mix these things together, but do so after you give them samples individually. You want their body to have a refined sense of what they need, so that they don’t overfeed on stuff they don’t need. Remember to follow solid food with the chance to get a drink of water — just like you do naturally at a meal. This is how the body regulates its ability to process solid food.

Have children eat an orange everyday. This is also good for mothers. An orange is a perfect food and gives your body unerring information about it’s relationship to your world. Cooked food does the opposite.

Yes get a juicer, you’ll start to love it despite yourself. You can get apples by the bulk and make apple juice (but for the manual on “How to be an Adult”, you’ll have to wait). Apple juice doesn’t provide much nutrition, but the sweetness is like love to a baby and if it’s natural, it is love.

Your ancestor’s genes are probably a bit stupid and they really probably don’t know what’s good for them. Your intuition is probably completely faulty. If you start with known good things, it will train their body until their accumulate a repertoire of things that they can start telling you.

Solid waste elimination: You might fret over issues of this in early childhood, but don’t. If you aren’t feeding solid foods and aren’t over-feeding mother’s milk, there is little reason for them to have solid waste. If they have solid waste when they’ve only had mother’s milk, you are overfeeding milk relative to their level of activity. Go with some warm, pure water, or fresh carrot/orange juice. You can start solid food after they have established regular urination and are sleeping well. When you do start on solids, start with coarse-ground flax seed mixed in cooked pumpkin or apple sauce, perhaps with cinnamon, or some other soft food that requires no chewing. Chia seed has natural lubrication, Omega-3's, and (if ground properly) its small (but obvious) fibrousness will train their system for the moment when they do wish to eliminate.

Be sure not to feed things that are too dry where it could cling to their throat nor too mushy if you’re training them to eliminate, because they need to be able to discern soft from hard. You’re getting their proprioceptors to get trained and comfortable for where their sphincter is. Their body will naturally guide food they can’t use or digest out there. Do different combinations of food mixed with flax seed until they eliminate. After that, feeding solid food should be fine, but go with raw food until they’ve learned language (but if you’re not going to follow this prescription, skip the issue of flax seed training). This is better than slow progression of juice to applesauce to solid food.

Multiple kids: Are you crazy? (Unless you live close to nature☺ Why did you think you should raise another one before you finished with the first? Was there a population problem? Here’s some birth control: a viable fetus only develops if both male and female sides wish it to. That’s right. Contrary to convention, life doesn’t happen without love, or (otherwise) by your choice to abrogate your power to authorities who just make it happen through the power of the collective will. I’m not going to be able to argue this one, I’m sure, but you should meditate on it. Have sex as you like, if you believe what I’m telling you, you will be fine and won’t create babies that you didn’t mean to. The only reason you would get pregnant without your control is if you have karma that isn’t being serviced by you and your mate. Making children are your ancestor’s hope that things have another chance at getting better.

In closing: Children are closer to the heart than you probably are. They came from the purity of the womb where all was right. Watch their movements and listen to their every word. Everything they do is a type of “language”. They will enlighten and teach you about what you’ve forgotten. Your parents might have wanted you to “grow up”, but that was for them. Remember the world is rather insane and diseased. Most of what you’re acclimated to is the result of mal-adaptation, so don’t be afraid to be a child again. Despite all the snarky comments I said, you can do it.

Peace.

Dr. Mark Janssen, HD

Meditator, Healer, Raw Foodist, former child.

Credits:

“solid food after sleeping well”, Dr. ?, M.D.

Note: most of the aforementioned is assuming a Western, semi-WASPy ancestry. It may not be appropriate for African or Asian races or anyone outside the Judeo-Christian world. Also, this material is not well-ordered with regard to developmental stages, but I think the material is important enough to send out and you’ll figure out what’s relevant and when. Feel free to email your suggestions.