Agreed! But the beautiful thing is… do your own thing! I hated all that crap too, so I never once used the word “fiancé” because I worried I might simultaneously puke, told only immediate family and my landlord (for the impending move) we intended to get married, and half the time never wore the ring because attention sucks.
To this day I don’t even remember when we became “engaged” — we just started talking about being married and then figured we would. Somewhere in that we wandered into a place in a mall, got a ring, and I put it on myself when we drank Orange Julius in the food court. That was that, social convention be damned.
And the big day? Just the two of us crazy kids (very early 20s) found the tackiest neon embellished wedding hut in Vegas where they called in some random person to marry us and the door guy was a witness. Husband wore a baseball cap and we were both in tshirts. Our rings the cheapest things we could find — think around $50 or something. There is exactly one (somewhat bad) photo taken by our rando witness. We were happy as clams. Still are. And I enjoy the memory of that trip, the only we could afford.
It can be about the proper thing: the two of you, and what you actually want, and you know… actually being married for life. If you let it. Don’t let anyone tell you there is a need for anything at the party part or any other part (because that’s all a wedding often is — attention seeking party after an attention seeking engagement…).
And honestly, a wedding that defies social norms and speaks to what you want in your heart is going to be a better story to friends around the dinner table in 20 years right?
The two of us have been hitched for 16 years, going on 17.