I will not be blamed for how this might end. — I will stand firm in your corner when no one else is left, but I will not be the one who loves you to death. I will practice forgiveness and, in your life, I will invest, but I will not be the one who loves you to death. I will scream hope to the…

Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately was Released Six Years Ago — On January 7, 2016, Alicia Cook released Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately. Structured like a cassette mixtape, Stuff I’ve Been Feeling Lately is Alicia Cook’s lyrical message to anyone who has loved someone battling addiction. Divided into two parts, “Side A” touches on all aspects of the human condition: life…

No one talks about what the living do with the toothbrush of someone who passes away. — The Fourth Saturday was originally published in this anthology by Central Avenue Publishing in 2019. For the fourth Saturday in a row, I don’t want to wake up. I will my eyes to remain closed, to ignore the light leaking in through that one bent slat in the blinds I…

…I beat the sirens home. — In some other timeline, I find you in time, turn you on your side. In some other timeline, I beat the sirens home and you don’t die alone. In some other timeline, you recover — and no one needs to call your mother. Follow Alicia Cook’s poetry on Instagram.

I know what it’s like to check if they’re breathing while they sleep. — A version of this essay was published in 2015. Alicia Cook is in the process of “freshening up” her essays and publishing them on Medium. I know to watch for pinhole pupils and subtle changes in behavior. To listen to them talk, make excuses, and pile on lie after lie…

I don’t want to be stronger, I just want my sister back. — Alicia Cook shares a poem on grief from her book I Hope My Voice Doesn’t Skip. Scroll down for a video of Cook reading this poem! 6 weeks before you died, we sat together. You were sad, and I was mad, but we managed to laugh and joke about our crazy mothers. We ate sandwiches…

By the third missed call, I’m convinced you’re dead. — By the third missed call, I’m convinced you’re dead. Hopefully warm in your bed or in your car with your favorite song playing. Dead anywhere but the Rite Aid bathroom — vomit-lined mouth wet face against the foreign floor — surrounded by strangers more inconvenienced than heartbroken upon finding your body…

In just one year, there were over 100,000 overdose deaths in the U.S. — A version of this essay was published in 2016 in the HuffPost. Alicia Cook is in the process of “freshening up” her essays and publishing them on Medium. Heroin sucks. It really, really does. It sucks not just in the “man, that sucks” way but also in a literal way…

If you’re lucky, they recover. If you’re really lucky, you recover, too. — A version of this essay was published in 2015 in the HuffPost. Alicia Cook is in the process of “freshening up” her essays and publishing them on Medium. I don’t know what it is like to be addicted to drugs. But try to love someone who is addicted to a…