I find this disturbing and I’m not even certain at which levels it bugs me most.

Yes, everything you say sounds like it’s absolutely terrible to contend with, and I completely accept that you face the anxiety you describe during planning, pre-flight, etc … and that those of us who merely need deal with the issue when seated beside you have ONLY flight time during which to deal. So in that way there’s no question you have a tougher row to hoe.

I’m also going to accept that many people of girth feel badly, even if most aren’t as sensitive as you are (although my experience is that when there’s someone taking up more than “their share” of space it doesn’t so often FEEL that way to me) and limit their bad feelings to the same time as the others of us feel it.

And, humanitarian tendencies aside I’m not sure it matters.

No, you “shouldn’t have to pay extra” because of your weight. OTOH, that’s naive, isn’t it? Overpack a bag and the airlines charge extra for excess weight.

And it’s only now that I get to the part of this where you ARE … I’m sorry, this is undeniable … taking my space away. Forget the discomfort and assume it’s real; I no more get a discount for that than you “have to” pay extra.

End of the day, while this pains me at several levels, I think I believe that if you’re “taking up two seats” <sigh> you should be paying for them.

Sorry about that.